JEFF K."S GUIDE TO THIS YEAR"S E3 (THIS YEAR, NOT LAST YEAR!)!!!

BY JEFF K!!!

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#2 - TURBAN ENTERTINAMINT - "ASHERONS CALL 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO"

wow look at all those POLLEYGONS in there playar modals! good thing ONLINE ROLL PLAYING FATSOS are all dumbies and will buy anything

Turban Entartainmint broke ointo teh blistering PC scene when they produced teh feelgood sensation of 199whenever with "Asherons Call", an online RPG where geeks could pay them to walk around and do work all day. Some peopal hit orcs with rocks. some peopal walked around teh hills and got died. Online Roll Palaying games are populare becuase all teh geeks who play them can meet new geeks to play with and they werant abel too do that before unless they went to teh MAGIC: THE GARDENING card game show and found a U-Haul to haul there fat asses back home. ASherons Calls 2 will be like teh first one except maybe there models will have more then 9 polygons total.

#3 - ION STROM - "DEUS EX 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO"

oops I forgot to make a pictare for Duse Ex 2 oh well I guess Harvey Witchboy Smith can live with it

Thes si teh only game ION Storm has evar made, because nobodey bought Daikaanttinatana or DOMINION: WAR OVER GIFTHORSE 9! I dont know what the name of taht second game was, and when I went to ION STroms site and clicked on teh link, it sent me to a POPUP AD SITE! WOW THANK YUO VARY MUCH ION STORM! IM GLAD YUO ARE EARNING MONEY THROUGH DIRECT MAREKETING!!!! yuo horseshits! do it! Go to ION STORMS site and click on "GAMES" and then "DOMINION" and it sends yuo to a carnival of advartisements! way to GO JOHN ROMERO!!!

Dues Ex 2 picks up where Dues Ex 1 left off which is somewhere. The worald si a conspiracy and NAFTA and the UGO are takeing over teh US so you must team up with robots to beat teh SOLDARS!!!! and dont trust anybody! Watch teh skys! I will survive! Yuo play as JC Denton, a robot man who saves teh worald! I dont know what happens in thies game but yuo can emale TEH ZEALOT who is ION storms webmastarar and will take a bullet for John Romereo becuase he has a chemical inbalance in his brain (Zealot, not John ROmero) and causes him to worship long haired hippies and their superfly johnson.

EDITORS NOTE: I am editeing this!!!!11

ANANACHRCOANAONXANACRHOANIOX

WOW! Thanks again for all teh wondarfull colored lighting QUAKE 2 ENGINE!!! ILL HAVE MY EYE DOCTOR BILL YUO DIRECTLY, YUO FAGOTS!!!!!!!!!!11111111/

oh goodie, anothar game useing teh Quake 2 engine that was made in 1980 BC! HOORAY! BUt oh ho, this si MODIFYED QUake 2 engine, which means teh codars figared out a way to get teh railgun to shoot red instead of blue and teh walls have 3 pixels instead of 2! Hear are this pressed release from there site, ANAANRCHRCNEONAZXNAOIC.com:

The player controls up to three characters at a time, from an eventual cast of seven, exploring the galaxy.

WOW teh game will be a lot of empty space in teh Galaxy!!! EASIER TO CODE I GUESS! EXPLORE MILES AND MILES OF BLACK NOTHING! GO GO GALAXY HIGH SCHOOL/ DOYLE WAS A HIGH SCHOOL STAR AND AIMEE WAS TEH AIRHEAD AND THAT ONE GUY WHO TURNED INTO PAPER AND SLID UNDAR DOORS!!! I LOVED GALAXEY HIGH SCHOOL BUT PROBALY NOT ANANCANCRNANCRHRONX!!!

Each character has different Battle Skills with unique effects, and World Skills they can use to access places and info the other characters can't.

so if yuo get teh lady, you can go into the woman's bathroom and makeout with a soap! EXPLORE THE BATHROOM OF THE UNIVERSE!!!1

For instance, one character can talk to computers, another can "Yammer" people, annoying them so much by blathering on that they provide the info you need!

I talked to my computar machene and it yammered to me and said thes si a stuped idea that NOBODEY has been asking for so THANK YUO ION STORM for providing anothar thing nobodey wants/ maybe yuor next game can be "INTERACTIVE DRADEL SIMULATION FOR BLIND ARABS" and explore the galaxxy of yuor bathroom.

I am tired of writeing this stuped e3 preview so Im going to bed. maybe I'll finish it latar but dont count on it yuo clowncars/

PS: dont emale me.

- JEFF K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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