Silent Hill 5 Exclusive Scoops!

• New hyper realism feature allows your character to occasionally enter a room, forget why he went in there, and then walk back out again.
• Loading screens will have a picture of a sad clown. If you laugh at the clown then you bring the shame of your ancestors down on your family.
• The only enemy will be a nurse, but each one will represent a different bodily function that frightens many gamers, such as more burping, farting, wheezing, an itch you can't scratch, and the touch of a woman.
• You can now answer the invisible ringing phone from Silent Hill 4.
• TVs will now actually work, but will only show Al Roker's cancelled show "Eating Across America," in order to maintain the series multiracial continuity.
• You will get a flashlight that comes with three batteries labeled #1, #2, and #4.
• The silence that runs under the music and sound effects throughout the game was recorded at Mike's House of Silence in Wisconsin. It used to be a nightclub long ago but i guess somewhere along the way they forgot how to make noise. They forgot who they were, and what they were there for. Now its too quiet.
• In "easy mode," Silent Hill will actually be more like a plateau.
• The famed siren will be replaced by a disco whistle and robotic voice instructing gamers to "shake their junk".
• The name "Silent Hill" was deemed insufficiently serious for British audiences. Thus, Silent Hill 5 will be known as Ultimate Terror Zone X in Europe.
• New romance element! Will you be going to bed with a delusional schizophrenic, a deranged psychopath, or a figment of your imagination? Only you can decide!
• Get your groove on with the new ghost riding minigame.

• An all new voice cast fresh out of drama college with no previous experience whatsoever to create a TRULY IMMERSIVE EXPERIENCE!
• SH5 will boldly break the fourth wall by making the game play experience part of the story. NPCs will say things like "the evil of Silent Hill is inside your controller. Press L1 to drive it away." There will also be a puzzle where in order to get the combination to a door, you have to crack open the back of the plastic DVD case and there is a small slip of paper inside which you will have to coat with lemon juice to get the combination to appear.
• The Wii version will make you hurl the controller violently against the TV screen to fight zombies. It will also feature Link as a playable character.
• Beating the game unlocks "DJ mode," which allows you to have two record players that you can use to loop beats and scratch. "Camptown Races" will still be the only song available in DJ mode.
• Viewing or using any items at any time will yield completely different storyline changes, depending on the item.
• SH5 is the most immersive and socially conscious game yet! Instead of killing monsters you get the chance to seek diplomatic resolutions to your problems!
  • Bring Pyramid Head to the bargaining table and see if you can't come to a mutually beneficial arrangement!
  • Pass a law to get Demon Cockroaches on the endangered species list!
  • Clean up the town of Silent Hill as your adventures take you deep into the meeting halls of the mysterious City Council!
• Special edition allows gamer to play a real estate agent. In "Agent mode," monsters are forced to relocate from Silent Hill due to high rents following gentrification.
• This will give way to a spinoff sequel titled "Silent Hood" where the wayward monsters take up residence in the projects. One of the levels will be a hospital emergency waiting room that features over 4 hours of gameplay.
• By the end of the game your character will be twice or three times its previous size, depending on how many times you stop to consider making nude fanart of the female characters. Nobody knows how Konami has managed this. Only a few ever will.

Travel through time as you help save Silent Hill from certain disaster! Battle your way through dungeons full of monsters, and defeat the bosses to gain the items you need to help save Silent Hill! Now with even more optional bosses, this will be the toughest Silent Hill yet! Are you a true Silent Hill master? Have you got what it takes to get the 100%? Well find out! In Silent Hill, Episode 5! Thanks to all the BYOB folks in this thread for the exclusive material!

- Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)