The MENSA Troll
The MENSA Troll shares many characteristics of The Flamethrower Clone, but this style of poster refrains from writing as many blatant homosexual overtones. The general gist of all the MENSA Trolls' posts should hint at the idea that the MENSA Troll is the smartest creature in the world, and every time he posts a message, it is for the sole purpose of manipulating others on the forum. It doesn't matter what reaction he gets from anything he writes because the MENSA Troll can justify anything he wants. If, for some reason he is not able to justify it, he should ignore it completely and avoid the subject. Under NO circumstances should the MENSA Troll respond to anybody's criticisms of him; he should instead continue to criticize everybody else and avoid engaging in a two-way conversation.
EXAMPLES. The MENSA Troll will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "It's interesting to see so many of you silly little monkeys jump around and react to my post which created the associative link between Counter-Strike players and certain members of the canine family. Your predictable reactions are exactly what I expected from such a lowbrow, intellectually dead race of Neanderthals who barely possess the ability to use primitive tools. I'm sure it will take you months before your ape-like brains are able to realize that the sniper rifles in v1.0 are shit. Go back to downloading those mp3s you heard on the radio and watching ABC, you pop-culture addicted maggots."
Star Trek forums: "It is apparent that many of you lack the ability to comprehend a single one of my posts. If you did, you would understand that you are all pawns on a chessboard I bought and own. You are all merely dancing chimps here to amuse me, and I have the ability to pull your strings and control your every move. If your reactions weren't so banal and tedious, I might be impressed."
Honda Civic forum: "You mindless drones will purchase whatever product is placed before your ignorant, easily influenced heads. You are so willing to be manipulated by other people, it is no wonder I am able to bend and shape you into any way I please. Besides, it's common knowledge that the CRX is by far a better deal."
Mr. Aggressive
Mr. Aggressive is the perfect personality for anybody who is attempting to get over beatings they suffered from school bullies during 5th grade. By acting like an all-out asshole and threatening physical violence on people you'll clearly never meet, you can benefit from a wonderful stress reducer! Plus people will think you're a tough guy, and they won't be aware you're actually an anemic 14-year old who has to be home schooled because you have a phobia of sunlight and trees. When posting, it helps to remind yourself that you're hidden behind an IP adress and Hotmail account, and nobody's ever been able to track down somebody online because it's nearly impossible thanks to tools like Norton Crashguard and Microsoft Notepad.
EXAMPLES. Mr. Aggressive will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "Oh yeah?!? How about I come over there and shove that Desert Eagle up your ass, you sissy little shit?!?"
Star Trek forum: "Oh yeah?!? How about I come over there and shove that phaser up your ass, you sissy little shit?!?"
Honda Civic forum: "Oh yeah?!? How about I come over there and shove that Honda Civic forum up your ass, you sissy little shit?!?"
Cute Gurl v2.0
By donning the mask of Cute Gurl v2.0, one is given the freedom to write whatever they like while avoiding all traditional forms of grammar and punctuation. Cute Gurl v2.0 is best not used on forums inhabited by males under the age of 20, or else other forum members have a high chance of changing into Mr. Aggressive when responding to posts. Use of emoticons and other ASCII art is highly encouraged, as is the act of referring to everybody as "hunny", "sweetie", and "cutie." In other words, try to be an online slut who's entire diet consists of pig troughs full of sugar. Whenever another Cute Gurl v2.0 comes online, the sheer idiocy in the forums will increase at least twelvefold. The Cute Gurls v2.0 should greet each other with outrageously annoying phrases like "hey baybee!!!!!!!!" and "luv u hunny!!!!!!"
EXAMPLES. Cute Gurl v2.0 will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "hey whats this game how do i install it thx allot bye!!!!! : P~~~~~~~"
Star Trek forum: "u ever see the one with the Tribbels? they were {{{{{{{{{{SO CUTE}}}}}}}}}}} can i get those anywhere like stuffed animals or something?!? love ya thx, bye!!!"
Honda Civic forum: "do the cars come in red??? thats my boyfriends color and weve been going out for 2 months now hes so cute his names Jeremy and he likes Slipknot!!! thx bye!!! :o)"
Ravey Davey
Ravey Davey is into the electronic hip hop techno d&b rave scene! He's an aspiring DJ and attends all the cool warehouse raves with his fellow friends, like hApPy-SaRaH and KANDYKID1241! He knows the difference between dark techstep and goa trance, but he can't really explain it so anybody else would understand. This may or may not be due to the fact that he's been popping acid and ecstasy like aspirin for the past three years. All other forms of music are inferior to the kinds of happy hardcore he spins, and he prides himself on the fact that the list of "artists" he listens to aren't known by anybody else, even their own mothers.
EXAMPLES. Ravey Davey will post the following messages:
Counter-Strike forum: "No but what Im saying is that the maybe the guns should be less poewerfull becuase if yo can take more damage then you will want to play longer/ its not like goseman dosent know what hes doing but maybe he should experiment a bit more with different things or maybe ask peopple what they want instead of doing what he doing now becuase I dont think its workiong?"
Star Trek forum: "No thats not what I meant I didnt say that so I dont know why you you thought I did let me say it again: I think that Dep Speace 9 was good but it didnt have it lacked the characters as Voyager and thats its not on anymore and now mayeb they should open their minds up a little bit and realize that they need to be more open minded understand ?"
Honda Civid forum: "if anybodys selling good 16 inch subs for under $150 a pair let me know. IM spinning tonight at Incestuous Paradise rave in Cleveland so I wont answer until tomorrow or later if I get the peach e ^_^"
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