Hair Pro v5.05

One of the hazards that comes with a job like mine (if you can really call it a "job") surrounds the links which people include in their email messages to me. Something Awful's readers have a tendency to send in the most bizarre, frightening, and eye-gougingly terrible links on the Internet. I guess this isn't a bad thing in itself (especially since the site is "Something Awful"), but I can only see the URL for Alex Chiu, the Trailer Park Homepage, and "Hello My Future Girlfriend" so many times without taking a gun to my head, pulling the trigger, and then wishing I had enough money to purchase bullets and load it. Needless to say, it was with great surprise that I got a message from "Yooka", one of SA's many readers fascinated with high quality Brazilian software.

From: Yooka
Subject: Hair Pro v5.05!

Lowtax,

MSN.com had this as a featured link that I ran across while setting up a number of computers on our proxy server. I think only you can give it justice.

http://computingcentral.msn.com/topics/multimedia/dbdetails.asp?downloadID=62259

Just thought I'd pass along the latest and greatest from "Brazilian Software."

Now, I'm positively sure everybody out there who regularly reads this site is painfully aware of how much I despise my hair. The mess of Brillo Pads on the top of my head is the most abrasive, ugly, filthy tangle of weeds to ever protrude from a human being's patch of flesh. It's like an afro on steroids. If I had the option, I'd dip my head in a vat of Nair every morning. So when I received such an exciting and intriguing link, I just had to check it out. The thought of me with human-like hair on my head was such a thrilling mental image that I ended up accidentally clicking on the link a few hundred times, spawning enough web browser Windows to eat up the 512 kilobytes of RAM on this machine. I arrived at the website and surely enough, there it was: Hair Pro v5.05!

How would you like to see yourself with a new hairstyle before ever picking up a pair of scissors or a bottle of hair dye? Hair Pro can do it.

Additional features include Virtual Hair Color, Retouch Resources, and Color Panel with RBG Hair Color Changing. It also features adjustments for hair contrast, lightness, saturation, sharpening, and hue. You can see and print up to eight different hair styles with three printing sizes. If you purchase Hair Pro Plus and the Styles Collection I, you will have 720 hair styles to choose from. The trial version is limited to 14 hairstyles.

I was pumped up about this, folks. I mean, "Virtual Hair Color"? This sounded so damn cool that I could barely contain myself. It's a well known scientific fact that anything with the word "virtual" in it has to be great, so I just knew Hair Pro v5.05 was going to kick enough ass to fill a circus tent. I have been wanting for years to see what I would look like in a new hairdo but (like the teaser said) I never wanted to pick up a pair of scissors or bottle of hair dye. This is because any attempts I might make to cut my own hair would undoubtedly end up with me losing blood at an alarming rate. This program was simply too good to be true, so I downloaded and installed it right away. Onto Hair Pro v5.05!