Something Awful Special Report: BLACK IN AMERICA!!! (Part 83 of 631)

What does it feel like to be a black person? What is a black man's struggles? A black woman's struggles? What do they eat? How many frequencies can they hear? Can they fly? WE TAKE A LOOK AT THEM DOING THINGS AND ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR THINGS.

It's a true fact 1 in 10 black babies will never turn into an adult and 4 out of 10 black people never once even have a dream about being a doctor. This is god's honest truth. Hi I am a reporter probing the reality and pushing the limits to open your eyes about what it's like to be

We caught up with a black man in a hat on a street and asked him about his situation.

Us: Hello!

Man: Hi I am Jason I am black!

Us: Hello, Jason. Tell us about your struggles.

Jason: Can't get food cuz the birds took it all into the sky and can't get a job cuz the plants moved to Japan and closed up shop here. Now I'm just getting by on welfare after I got out of prison.

Us: Are you a rapper?

Jason: No.

Us: Rap for us.

Jason: I got these problems. I got put in prison. For stealing a baked good.

Us: What baked good did you steal, Jason?

Jason: A kringle. For my babies.

Us: Policemen sent you to prison for that?

Jason: For triple life. I only got out cuz there was too many black men in prison and they needed the space to store worse black men who stole worse things like hubcaps and carbon offsets.

We ran away from JASON because he gave us the EVIL EYE.