Leonard Crabs' Carnival of Savings!

Name: Whispering Whisper Pine Forest
Price: $3.14159 / second
Pets: For dinner only
Features:

• Private stalls to store your mules
• A room to sleep in, in addition to a room to pee in. If you've been drinking heavily, one room can double for both.
• Santa Claus-proof doors and windows.
• We provide a maintenance man with "the chuckles".
• Free angry hornet's nest under your bed.
• All-you-care-to-breathe oxygen supply.
• Track and Field style hurdles in the hallway to the bathroom.
• Cretin access on Mondays, Thursdays, and Fridays (ONLY).
• Your own private cemetery awaits you once the berserk Jas-5000 robot kills you.
• Daily wake-up call from Gus, who will repeatedly ask what you're wearing and if you will be interested in taking it off.
• Free access to "The Pork Channel"
• Sand Volleyball Court / Glass Bottle Recycling Area.
• A Nu-Wav ceiling fan with two paddles to maximize "efficiency".
• Relive a windy day with our patented WindySounding Air Conditioning.
• Play "find the shower nozzle" for hours in our luxurious 5-star accommodations.

Leonard Sez: "If I was a vampire, I'd probably would have killed each and every one of you by now."