| Henchman Status Update (3 of 4) |
| The status of Rock Hard Sam Houston has been changed from ACTIVE to DECEASED. | |
 | Name: Texas, Dallas (DECEASED) Codename(s): Rock Hard Sam Houston, Rock Hard, The Baffler, The Ring Expert Join Date: 7-19-00 Primary Role: 100% Red-blooded American Whoopass Expert Secondary Role: Pumping, chugging, strutting, flexing, mic-grabbing, Specialties: The Rock Hard Baffler (trademark move), waving a flag at 110% patriotism, Scripture quotations of dubious provenance, Rock Hard Saluting Availability: On Hire (hire) Average Customer Rating: |
| Circumstance of Contract Liquidation: Caught in time wave aftershock caused by disruptions to the fabric of the chrono continuum. Fatally suplexed, eaten by brontosaurus. | |
(This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.
Previous Articles
- Henchman Status Updates: Astro Panic
- Henchman Status Updates: Operation Imaginary Peninsula
- Henchman Status Updates: Operation Macy's
- Blackbird: The World's First African American Browser
- TV Threshold: Two Extremes
