Zack: So he did a science project on Brian Ressler?

Dr. Thorpe: Hypothesis: Brian Ressler will like Black Cherry Vanilla Coke most and Bleach least.

Zack: Procedure: Inserted different samples into Brian Ressler's urethra using a glass pipette

Dr. Thorpe: Conclusion: Unable to discuss due to pending litigation.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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