Zack: "Stay out of nylon."Dr. Thorpe: Making Robocop out of cloth pretty much destroys all of the reasons why Robocop was cool.
Zack: Jesus, this thing is almost as bad as a fucking Tuxedo T-shirt. Making it out of cardboard boxes would have been more dignified.
Dr. Thorpe: Speaking of undignified, did you know there were like four more Robocop sequels after Robocop 3?
Zack: I thought they were all TV movies though.
Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, they certainly weren't theatrically released. Some Canadian company bought the rights.
Zack: I think it was pretty much a shitty Law and Order spinoff with Robocop occasionally bending a machinegun or shooting some nuke dealer.
Dr. Thorpe: Didn't Law and Order incorporate a character from Homicide when that got cancelled? They should just incorporate Robocop, too.
Zack: You really couldn't continue past the first Robocop. Clarence Boddicker was what tied it all together. He was the glue. You can have a "Your move, creep" but it needs to be counterbalanced on a one-for-one basis with "bitches leave" or "guns, guns, guns."
Dr. Thorpe: Maybe they should just incorporate Robocop AND Clarence Boddicker. And get rid of all the stuff about Law and Order, and move the setting to futuristic Detroit.
Zack: They could bring Yaphet Kotto in from Homicide and have him be the president of OCP and he can get mad and throw people out of windows. Sort of a really poor man's James Earl Jones. "This is Univision" to Jones's CNN.
Dr. Thorpe: I think this whole conversation is just an expression of the fact that our culture dearly misses Robocop. Robocop has been stolen away, and replaced with insulting cloth suits and ignominious Canadian TV movies. Where have you gone, Alex J. Murphy? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. What's that you say, Mr. Boddicker? Robocop has left and gone away.
Zack: Larceny, Rape, Alex Murphy and Prime (directives). Yeah, it would have been better if it had just stopped. Now we're left with memories of Robocop flying, fighting ninjas and solving murders with Luminol in a police procedural.
Zack: I guess when no one even cares about Robocop anymore it makes sense to sell the shittiest and cheapest costume possible. Some impoverished immigrant is going to go trick or treating in this and he won't even know what it is. He'll think it's some luchador or something. "Los arenadores futuros del policía" or it will have some equally weird English name like "Deputy Laser Action."
Dr. Thorpe: Our greatest American heroes have fallen by the wayside. At least Batman managed to make a comeback, but his hold on the public imagination was slightly more firm. Robocop had maybe one good year.
Zack: Yeah, but his name still does hold some magic for those of us who saw the first one in the theater. You can say Robocop and they immediately picture the first movie. They can look beyond his tarnished and sordid career after that one.
Dr. Thorpe: I'm afraid that now when somebody says "Robocop" I'm going to picture this costume. Let's try it. Say "Robocop" to me.
Zack: Robocop.
Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, fuck, I pictured the costume.
Zack: Shit. Try it on me.
Dr. Thorpe: Robocop.
Zack: Goddammit.
–
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About This Column
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.
