The 2012 Fashion SWAT Sexy Samhain Showdown

Sexy Dinosaur Costume

Zackula: Neighborhood groups would be a lot more tolerant of street prostitution if all hookers dressed as dinosaurs.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Aww yeah, I wouldn't mind watching her spitting acid goo in a fat guy's face and disemboweling him on a muddy hillside.

Zackula: She may be wearing nothing but a seafood bib the color of a deer hunting vest, but at least the kids are learning something by seeing her raptor head jiggling around in an alleyway on some dude's unit.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Wait, I can't tell if you're kidding right now-- you do know that's what Barney was, right? Or were you just too young to catch it?

Zackula: I did wonder why he asked every kid on the show, "Are you a cop?"

Dr. Thorpenstein: You never put two and two together that he's called "Barney," which is slang for a huge purple erection?

Zackula: That whole "I love you, you love me" thing was a dead giveaway in hindsight.

Dr. Thorpenstein: I guess he was more of a "sex worker" than a prostitute, but yeah, that was some pretty touchy-feely free love advocacy right there.

Zackula: That whole verse about the "price being right so long as you're holdin', gimme the horse and you can have any hole."

Zackula: Barney is now down to the size of Grover, veins all black on scag, muttering about hand jobs and trying to busk with an overturned pickle bucket.

Zackula: That's what happens when your neighborhood gets gentrified by Yo Gabba Gabba.

Dr. Thorpenstein: And those damn Teletubbies moving in and cornering the market on all the really sick shit-- they'll do for five what you won't do for fifty.

Zackula: You spit in their hand and call it a nickel and they will break a bottle over that sun baby's face and cut the shit out of the robot.

Zackula: They will let you film them choking each other. They don't give a fuck. They are nihilists. If the drugs and the disease don't get them, then they'll "fuck it" and suicide by cop at the OTB.

Dr. Thorpenstein: I heard Dipsy will go bareback Greek if you even tell him who's holding.

Zackula: Dipsy lost all feeling after he got meatsocked on a fungo bat for 75 cents and a baggie full of stems.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Noo-Noo let a bunch of crust punks skateboard over his nuts cause they offered to let him lick their burnt skag spoon.