Amir and the Outsourcing of Comedy

When I originally received this email, my mind exploded with pure joy and elation. This potential business agreement, sent by a very upstanding and trustworthy fellow named "Amir Orni," thoroughly set itself apart from all the other spam in my inbox by confidently stating, "this is not a spam!" OH, so THAT'S how I tell it from all the other shady scams shoveled to me on an hourly basis! For all you folks working at legitimate corporations out there, take note: be sure to write "THIS IS NOT A SPAM!" somewhere in your opening paragraph or else people might mistake it for a spam. This has been your Internet Public Service Announcement of the day.

Oooh, first Amir Orni sends me a "massage" referring to my site, then he offers to "contact me more thoroughly!" Better not tell my wife about this spicy one! Regardless, it made me sad to see horrible comedy, like everything else in America, being outsourced to some third world country, God only knows where. I decided to respond back to Amir in his native tongue, "terrible broken English," and strike up a deal with him, hopefully one involving a lot of massages and thorough contact. It was my goal to make Amir understand we were kindred spirits, bonded by edgy comedy!

Oh, and if you're interested, head to their site to see some cutting edge comedy presented in equally cutting edge terrible broken English. I do admire their noble attempt though; "SMS FOR Y'ALL" is pretty much a common phrase in America. Then again, what do SMS example messages like this even mean?

Property: How to clean ink spots? and flak? Save time, save money, save the maid…

Example: if you spill fat on your clothes then dont wash them straight away. Rather, pour fairy liquid on it and leave to soak.

Huh?!? If I paid a couple bucks for that, I'd be pretty pissed off. Amir, you gotta try harder! That kind of content may fly with shady, less reputable companies like Microsoft and Motorola, but here at Something Awful we demand quality!

I wanted to prove to Amir that, much like he, I am too a merry-making humorist, and I vowed to keep going until he admitted how genuinely hilarious my jokes are. This is truly an agreeable business proposition! Let's see what Amir thinks.