The Art of Vampire: The Masquerade (1990s)

Steve: Yesss! Taped nipples.

Zack: I picked this one out to include as an example of "standard' Vampire art. Most of the rest of the stuff we'll be looking at is much worse than this, but taped-up-nipple-slaves, lesbians, snarly dudes in leather jackets, and antique furniture are the main ingredients in the recipe for Vampire art.

Steve: Also the main ingredients of having a good time with some hot lesbian babes who put tape on their boobs.

Zack: Just as long as you don't sit on their grandma's couches.

Steve: My grandma actually does have a bed like that, but instead of hot vampire babes there's just a bunch of boxes piled up on it of stuff she bought off of ebay. Also piled up all over the room and most of the rest of her house. One time I got lost trying to get out of boxed Christmas ornaments.

Zack: Does she sleep in the leather twink dungeon in the basement?

Steve: No, the basement is full of patio furniture she bought when the Sears by where she lives went out of business.

Zack: Is it rattan furniture?

Steve: It was mostly those rubbery straps that are stretched between metal bars.

Zack: Sounds like a twink dungeon to me.