Daily SWAT: "Udder Insanity"

Dr. Thorpe: Well, today's dog is just really fucking confusing to the eye, isn't it? It takes forever to even figure out what's going on here, and I'm still not sure I've quite got it.

Zack: Yes, today's dog looks a bit like the Philadelphia Experiment was conducted in a walk-in closet full of Beanie Babies.

Dr. Thorpe: Check out the audacity of this marketing: "Also includes a cow head hat to complete the cow illusion." Oh man, yeah, it's flipping me out how much that dog looks like a cow now that it has a whole cow sitting on top of its stupid head. It looked a ton like a cow before, but now the illusion from that hat makes it look a shitload like a cow.

Zack: Also an interesting bit of false advertising. It's referred to as the "Udderly Adorable Cow Dog" costume, yet I see no udders. They had the time to stick that cow head on the top, yet left out a teetular portion of the costume. It reads as a little contemptuous.

Dr. Thorpe: But we still haven't got to the most disturbing bit: "This dog costume will milk the fun out of an evening with your dog."

Zack: "Milk the fun." I'm not even sure whether that's a positive or a negative. Are you extracting every ounce of enjoyment from the evening? Removing any fun from the evening? Or do they mean it somehow literally?

Dr. Thorpe: I mean, they could have said "a day with your dog," but the way they presented it, no, it's just unabashedly erotic.

Zack: "Sorry, I can't go to the party guys. Got a night in planned with the dog. Gonna light some candles, pour some wine, strap a cow suit to him and milk the fun out of the evening."

Dr. Thorpe: What's with the little vestigial leg in the middle of the dog's torso? Are the people who designed it from Korea or something, and they've never seen a cow? They were probably arguing for like six hours about it. "No, Yankee cow have six leg, they big bug."

Zack: In Korea their dogs easily fit into the costumes, but our brawny cheese-fed American dogs burst out of the tiny costumes.

Zack: You know, dogs always seem a little resentful of children, but they need to learn to appreciate having kids in their family, because if there are no kids around this is what happens on a lonely Friday night.

Zack: This is the starting point of a very long and very milked evening of enjoyment for this poor guy.

Dr. Thorpe: If only the cow illusion were not quite so complete, a lot of dogs might be spared the humiliation of milking.