A Christmas Carol; The Men Who Stare at Goats

MOVIES THAT DON'T SUCK

• Bad Lieutenant (1992)

Just in time to see Werner Herzog's wacky remake/sequel/ripoff, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call: New Orleans (one too many colons, if you ask me), I revisited Abel Ferrara's original, an uncompromising look at a police officer whose moral compass is seriously fucked. He smokes crack, robs criminals, gambles, shoots his car stereo and yells at a nun for not telling him who her rapists were -- to sum it up, he's not a very nice guy. But unlike BL:POC:NO, which Nicolas Cage must see as some kind of master challenge to his psycho cred, there's something deeper here: At some point, Keitel's Lieutenant (he's never named) lost his way, and his various addictions are merely ways to cope with his guilt. For what? For being a dirty cop? For tiring of herding the flock? Ferrara sails to Scorsese heights in this gritty, underrated classic. -Sean "bad movie knight" Hanson

• Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983)
  

I'm of the philosophy that the raunchier Monty Python is, the funnier the material tends to be. While I'll be the first to admit that this film isn't particularly well-structured, the musical numbers are fantastic, and Terry Gilliam's "The Crimson Permanent Assurance" is among the best work he's ever done. For my money, film comedy doesn't get much better than the Oliver!-inspired "Every Sperm is Sacred" or Eric Idle's existential "Galaxy Song." And hey, each segment has a moral! -Joseph "Jay Dub" Wade

ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS

Sean "bad movie knight" Hanson is generally content to work behind the scenes as editor, with all the terrible shit these unfortunate goons have to watch.

Ian "ProfessorClumsy" Maddison is a big gay English teddy bear who likes everything but dental care...and Ewan McGregor, apparently.

Joseph "Jay Dub" Wade is often described as a man with a plan. What most people don't know is that that plan typically involves TV dinners and the collected films of Katsuhito Ishii.

– Joseph "Jay Dub" Wade and Ian "ProfessorClumsy" Maddison