Act casual... don't let them know you know they're watching... just read the article... be sure to click on a few ads... credit as always goes to the SA Forum posters...
cda
Me: I'd like to order a pizza.
Me: Make it an extra large meat lovers.
Me: Ok, now can you bring three pizza boxes.
Me: I need the thrill of the hunt.
evergate
please fbi, don't tap my morse code wire, bro. you messed up a complete sentence. not cool. 
cda
I added a third thing to my morse code: squiggle. The FBI is working overtime to decrypt my communications.
cda
The FBI is listening to my microwave.
FBI: We think he's using some kind of code. First he says "Mmm, I can't wait to eat this Hot Pocket" and then there's a scream of pain. He does it every night at 9:30 PM.
nobodygetshurt
It's usually just noises of gunfire and fax machines.
Vynar
All of the government agencies are wiretapping me. As are all of the branches of the military, local police, coast guard, and amazon dot com. Imagine the raging party I came home to when all of their agents accidentally showed up to wiretap me at the same time. They drank all my beer and clogged all of my toilets. I am now completely out of doritos. Oh well I guess I can have the amazon guy order me some more.
FutonForensic
FBI LOGS: FutonForensic
02.28.2017.14.38: [Inbound call] Hello? [4 sec. pause] Oh sorry, I think you have the wrong number. No problem. Bye. Sorry.
NO OTHER CALLS ON LOG
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
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About This Column
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.
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