FactsAreUseless
Bee pit's empty, that birthday party kicked all the bees out of it. Tommy, sweep them up. Stephanie, I need you to get a few bags from the back. Use the push cart, they're like 20 pounds apiece.
social vegan
me: *rushes into doctor's office, out of breath and excited* D-doctor, Doctor! I've got HIVES!
doc: *eyes light up, he ushers me in and I lay on the paper on the table* *he inspects my severe allergic bodywide rash, gradually slowing down and stopping as he looks to me*
doc: ...n-not even one *pouts and leaves room*
me: *frowns as tears mix with what must be honey oozing from my eyes*
social vegan
The whole town piled in the waiting room that day, spilling along the hallway and into the medical suite.
Dr. Handel hovered over little Billy's swollen arm. The crowd murmured and gasped. Could it be.
Dr. Handel turned to all, a deep frown settling on his face, "It's just hives"
The crowd's eyes lit up, a quiet applause began.
Dr. Handel sighed.
Jerry Mumphrey
i've been gluing sewing needles to flies for weeks now
death sext
bees are just big ants
Plebian Parasite
Bee movie but everytime they say the word bee actual live bees shoot from your computer monitor
Luvcow
"Ok class now lets try drawing a square"
*all the bees draw a hexagon*
"no..no we already know you can draw hexagons, lets try again... just four sides this time"
*all the bees draw a hexagon again*
"...ok...one more time... a square... only four sides"
Piso Mojado
i think we could use less bees, maybe even no bees tbqh
mister magpie
this is quite the controversial opinion
mister magpie
*setting: a round table discussion with several notable academics.*
richard dawkins: "what we can all agree on, however, is the need for more bees."
piso mojado, blowing bubbles out of a pipe: "actually, my dear friend, we need fewer bees. perhaps even...no bees."
social vegan
*the Baha Men look at their feet and kick the dust around a tiny ajar bee door*
Ultra Spoot
But all joking aside guys, we really need to start brainstorming ways to help bees, it's a serious issue *gets stung once* OH GOD FUCK BEES, FUCKING KILL EM ALL
–
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.
