Future Timeline!

Back in January, no they will not and dendy crew contributed to a list of Good Ways to Die in 2014. Those suggestions remain valid for several months, but for readers who'd prefer to live through not only the end of this year but also other years as well, here's a hint of what's to come!

no they will not

• 2034: Switchblades become the new "in thing"
• 2035: mid 80s Techno becomes the new "in thing"
• 2036: The US government launches Project T.O.R.N.A.D.O - just a simple census of farm equipment usage... or is it?

FLAMERS IN CAHOOTS

• 2033: Floodlights sweep across the belly of a gigantic tech-zeppelin.
• 2034: A bullet train bursts through a wall of colored steam.
• 2035: A maniac without sleeves sucks on the glowstick in his mouth and flips a coin in an alleyway where you cannot see the sky.
• 2036: The tabloid headline holograph glitches momentarily despite the incredible sophistication of the technology.
  

FLAMERS IN CAHOOTS

• 2027: The demand for steam is at an all time high.
• 2033: A five year plan to install open or broken steam pipes in the outer walls of every building in the country comes to a successful end. Sewer grates now vent 800% more steam into the street than was historically possible.
• 2035: Pundits predict a global crisis as it seems the world will face an unrecoverable steam shortage.
• 2036: The crisis is avoided. Steam is here to stay.

FLAMERS IN CAHOOTS

2050: Men look to the stars. What other worlds are out there just beyond our reach, that we could colonize and fill with colored steam?

no they will not

2033: Due to a record number of gadget-related fatalities, the EPA rules that all consumer electronics must emit a constant, droning hum. and a soft blue light

Chief Queef

2040: Touch screens no longer cool or useful, people carry around large keyboards slung over their shoulders

I.N.R.I

• 2016: the iphone 7 is invented and then mass produced by chinese grad students and sold in shops. it has even more features than the iphone 6 as well as improved screen resolution
• 2017: the iphone 8 is invented and then mass produced by chinese grad students and sold in shops. it has even more features than the iphone 7 as well as improved screen resolution
• 2018: papa new guinea takes its first ever paralympic gold medal in the mens dressage. the iphone 9 is invented and then mass produced by chinese grad students and sold in shops. it has even more features than the iphone 8 as well as improved screen resolution
• 2154: street lamps used to be attached to poles coming out of the ground, but now they just hang in the air