Xenomorphs Aren't That Big of a Threat

This week in the comedy goldmine: a treatise on why Xenomorphs, Predators, et al, aren't even that much of a threat actually, courtesy of Something Awful's own Blockbuster Video subforum, a subforum for chatting about movies.

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It's not that hard to outsmart or even kill a xenomorph. I don't think I would have any problem with it. The same goes for the likes of Predator, Freddy Krougar, Jason, and so on. I can think of plenty of ways to survive encounters with any of them, or even turn the tables and kill them myself.

Black Baby Goku

I wouldn't have explored the alien wreckage, instead sending a robot down to do it, its really that simple. Plus my training in Krav Maga (thanks to my time in IT, my salary has allowed me to study martial arts in my leisure time) and small firearms skills, I could easily kill a xenomorph should I come across one. It wouldn't even be a challenge

Lumpy the Cook

Heh. Killing a xenomorph is simplicity itself... child's play.

Black Baby Goku

Killing a predator, or even a terminator wouldn't even present a challenge to be honest. It's amazing how simple killing alien or robot life would be. Trivial at best.

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*effortlessly evading the Xenomorphs clumsy blows* Ok, this has been fun, but I think it's about time I killed you.

Lumpy the Cook

[looks up and smirks] Heh... did you really think I wouldn't notice you? You should run while you still can. *nearby Predator decloaks and runs away*

Black Baby Goku

[Arnold blows out a security guards knees, crippling him for life]: He'll live

*i swag over with the MAG-7 semiautomatic shotgun and unload a round in the guards head* Stop fucking around....

Improbable Lobster

[Destroying several Yautja (Predators) with powerful kicks and gun kata]: Come on, at least make me break a sweat

HP Hovercraft

What about a Thing? If you find yourself trapped in an isolated location with a Thing you're pretty much fucked.

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*radioing in from sniper position on roof* Isolated location... right...

Plutonis

Freddy Kruger is just a regular old pedophile with burn marks and a gay ass glove. With my several trainings into lucid dreaming that I had with the help of Kratom and Elsa/Spiderman ASMRs I can definitely say for sure that even on the dream world I'd kick his diddler ass forward and back with my bare fists and a dream chainsaw on my hands.