Customers Say Really Ridiculous Things

I'm tech support for a large satellite tv provider. Woo boy do I have tons of these. Probably one of my favorites:

Me: Well, seems like everything is working, is there anything else I can help you with?

Her: Yeah, don't use anti-perspirant! Wanna know why?

Me: Not really, but I bet you're going to tell me. (Uhmmm why?)

Her: Because it causes cancer! Look at the first ingredient, it's alluminum! It gives you the cancer!

Me: Well, that's good to know ma'am, have a good day!

Her: Wait!! Do you know why 9/11 really happened? George Bush ordered it! There were secret Nesara computers in the sub-sections underneath the WTC!

Me: Wow, amazing.

Her: I'm part of this secret agency tied to Nesara, and we're planning on overthrowing the government! Here's a few links you should check out, and tell all your friends about!

Me: Will do ma'am, thank you for calling.

Her: No no! Wait! Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara Nesara !!!!!!

The call lasted about 40 minutes after I fixed her problem, and since I can't hang up on a customer I had to sit there and listen to these awesome stories. She went on and on about Nesara, and how I should watch the news because something huge was going to happen in the next few days. Of course nothing did. God I love my job.

I worked at a hotel for a while as a Front Desk Clerk, and our Hotel was labeled as 'Full Service.' One of the things we offered was WiFi, and as I was the Hampton Inn computer geek, I was often called on for tech support-ish things. One night, around 10pm, I had a guest call me up to his room for one of these. This guest had been hitting on me CONSTANTLY, and I really didn't want to go up there for some more 50 year old man geriatric flirting.

Me: *fixes his computer, which had nothing to do with the WiFi*
Him: "Well, while you're up here, you wouldn't happen to be interested in a...little extra pay, would you?"
Me: "Sir...I don't know what you're talking about."
Him: "Well this IS a full service hotel..." He starts pulling out a wad of bills.
Me: "Sir, I am going to go back downstairs now."

He had the audacity to smack my ass on the way out. On the plus side, he was kicked out of the hotel and almost arrested, and I was offered a nice little raise for 'handling the problem'.

Where I work now, I have to answer the phone and deal with any customers that come in.

Dumbest question over the phone:

Marlex: "(company name), how can I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, what's your phone number?"
Marlex: "Do you mean our fax number?"
Customer: "No, your phone number."

I played it straight and gave him the number. He thanked me and then I transfered to the department he needed.

Answering the phone at work is always an interesting experience.

"Happy Holidays from Helzberg Diamonds. This is Anthony, how may I help you?"
"Is this Helzberg Diamonds?"
"Yes."
"Do you sell jewelry?"
"..."