24: when she comes home she's gonna want to crawl into bed but she cant because it'll be like crawling into the jaws of a giant metal dog with a really soft metal tounge. i'm awesome at analogies i got like a 600 on the analogy part of the SATs

25:my favorite part is the chair, it looks like a throne i'm probably gonna do that with my computer chair because i have low self esteem. hey did you notice how i stopped capping my I's? cause i did.

26: this corner is gross because it has a stupid ass hampster that ran in his wheel the entire time i was in there. I didn't wrap him but i wanted to so bad but then i thought maybe girls would see this and think i was mean (i am, sup )

27: that is a baby robot covering up a stupid fairie. also i guess those are some pictures or something, i dont know megan did this section.

So that's basically it. I think i have more pictures but i'm really tired because i HAD TO DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF TONIGHT SHERMAN YOU JERKFACE!!!

we only opened 3 of the things of foil, and only because there was three of us and we didnt want to share. I didn't finish off any of the rolls, and i'm pretty sure i'd still have like 1.5 left if we hadnt opened that third one, so i estimate this cost about a total of $40 dollars to do, and a billion hours. Also probably a few grand for my eye surgery because i thought it'd be funny to go into that room and shine a laser arround. foil is reflective kids! also i was kidding about that foreshadowing bit with the alcohol, hope you werent waiting for something to happen...

Yup so that's that. oh my sister is 17 so if anybody makes any cracks about her i'm legally justified in shooting you. also i have no idea how my bandwidth will hold up, so i hope nobody reads this thread


Not to be a total spoilsport or anything, but there was a follow-up video that kind of sucked because his sister didn't really freak out very much at all. Instead, she just took it in stride and was like "oh my goodness, foil. The foil is everywhere!" while she smiled a lot and didn't threaten to murder her brother and his friends for basically turning every single square inch of her living space into a gigantic, complex, shiny Christmas present. So no videos or follow-up for you. Instead, you can pretend that she freaked WAY the fuck out, and that crabrock is now lying in a hospital bed without his genitals. It's better that way.

So that'll do it for this week's Goldmine. Tune in next week, when I get more angry letters and construct a Goldmine entirely out of things that I know will really, really piss everyone off!

– Nick "Mayor Wilkins" Dunn

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful