Innovative Impovements!

Applewhite

A tiny cork you can put on the tip of a scorpion's stinger so it is safe for children to play with.

Hell Yeah

a muffler for your car that makes hilarious fart sounds and they're very loud

SciFiDownBeat

a start-up generator

you type in an idea and it does everything (create designs, hire lawyers, file paperwork, pitch to VCs, engage in viral marketing, grow the userbase, get the company bought by Facebook) for you

Wall Balls

uber but for undertakers

Tomato Burger

Four Seventy-Fiverr: repost Fiverr jobs for other people to complete for $4.75 while you make risk-free profit.

BelgianWaffle

Washable toilet paper

A toilet paper rewind machine

SciFiDownBeat

baby exchange service

don't like your baby? we match you with an equally-peeved set of parents and facilitate a seven-day baby exchange trial period. if you like the new baby, keep it! if you don't, return it at no extra charge

Applewhite

A shoulder parrot that is actually a flask so you can sneak beverages into the movie theater.
It would be a real, live parrot which has had its stomach surgically replaced with a flask.

Stuffguyman

Keyboards with a random key that simulates a different keystroke every time.

For example: asoifyuh89[yqh[0Y9GH0OIHT8P4TN'n4nj

Nigmaetcetera

One of those waving arm tube guys but with a comically large penis that bounces and flops around in an amusing fashion.