INT. INDUSTRIAL CHAMBER
THREEPIO, tied to a girder, watches anxiously as the carbonite
block containing PADME is raised out of the machine by two
IMPERIAL SOLDIERS, WILKINS and DINN, who for some reason
aren't clones.
THREEPIO
Well rust my bolts!
How dreadful!
VADER enters in his floating wheelchair without wheels.
He notices the PADME SLAB.
DARTH VADER
Yes... Very good. Now
she will be my silent,
beautiful bride for all
eternity! Were there
any complications?
WILKINS
No, but... just before
we froze her, she said
the name... "Anakin."
DARTH VADER
Don't ever call me that!
Sargeant Wilkins, fetch me
my lightsaber!
WILKINS
Yes, sir.
WILKINS exits and returns with the lightsaber. VADER uses the
Force to wedge the handle between his knees and turn it on,
then drives his wheelchair forward, piercing WILKINS with the
blade. He falls over dead, the saber still protruding from his chest.
DARTH VADER
Now, I will need a cybernetic
spinal column because mine
burned up in the lava. Wilkins,
fetch me that droid!
He gestures with his eyes toward THREEPIO.
DINN
Uh, he can't, sir. Wilkins
is dead.
DARTH VADER
Don't you tell me what Wilkins
can and can't do! Fetch me my
lightsaber!
DINN retrieves the lightsaber from WILKINS' corpse and wedges it
between VADER's knees again. VADER drives forward into DINN,
killing him.
DARTH VADER
Let that be a lesson to you,
Wilkins. Don't question my
orders. Now untie that droid.
We have work to do.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.
Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful