Clan Hell: Clan Old School Doomers

Website: http://members.xoom.com/doomclanodp/ Violations: 5. Clan members have trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality. 7. Page layout / color scheme burns your retinas and causes brain damage. 8. Website looks as if it were written by Jeff K. Samples From Website: "DUH, I ONLY PLAY WITH IDDQD ON, CUZ I'M A WUSS," IF THATS YOUR QUOTE PREPARE TO EXPERIENCE (BEEP)." "Oh yeah! DOOM RULES!!!!!"

Description:It was from the name of this clan that I first discovered something was wrong. Either these were some jive talking homeboys who kept it real on a daily basis OR it was a bunch of buck-toothed, slack jawed white trash that list "bacon" as a commodity. On closer inspection I noticed that the word "school" in this case was spelled without the "k"; a telltale "ch" was in its place. Hicks they are! With this in mind I pointed my browser towards the space where their page was located and readied myself. It was worse than I had expected… much, much worse.

The graphics are what one may describe as "fucking awful" - the green and blue design made my brain hurt and left me feeling as though my IQ had dropped considerably… I think. The font is unreadable and I had to guess as to what the sections on the site were entitled. The only one I’m sure I got correct was the last one, which read "sugar puff", needless to say I clicked it continually but it only resulted in a number of error windows. It was at this stage that I downed my eighth bourbon of the evening; I needed it to get me through this viewing. With this in mind I was more than a little perturbed when my PC began speaking to me, saying in devil-like whispers, "The butcher’s knife Tim, the butcher’s knife." Anyhow, lets examine some of the intelligence displayed on the page by some of the "OSD" clansmen. Quote 1: "WOO-HOO! I just won an award! Did you?" Well let me think about it for a moment; if seeing your page deserves an award, I may have won one, but I don’t think it does! I wonder what kind of award you won; my guess is "shower watcher of the day" at the local penile institution, but what do I know? Making my way over to the "member’s info" page… or something... I happened across what is quite possibly the most retarded thing I have ever heard, from clansman ‘Blood11’:

"Grunge is dead (long live Nirvana), but Doom is still alive. Human being's brains see this world second-had from their eyes. We see the Doom world third hand, first though the computer monitor and then though our eyes. It's only one sensory step further than reality. It's still real."

Apart from the fact that I was unable to see for a week after gazing upon the website, I feel that this man is both physically and mentally retarded. So what he's trying to say is that our eyes have the ability to see for themselves? Maybe yours do, and if so I’d like to get my hands on a pair of those them peepers. Who do I make the cheque out to?

This page is beyond awful. Apart from the design being something straight out of the Japanese instructional book ‘HTML is Winner!’ the content is the sole cause of male pattern baldness. Stay clear, stay oh so clear.

Link for you to join?: Yes

– Tim