Clan Hell: Clan Advance Australia Army

Website: http://clanaaa.webjump.com/ Violations: 1. Page takes over three hours to load thanks to a shitload of large, unnecessary graphics that are supposed to show off the clan leader's "l33t Photoshop skillz". 4. Page is a shrine to clichéd animated gifs or Javascript (usually coincides with #1). 5. Clan members have trouble distinguishing between fantasy and reality. 7. Page layout / color scheme burns your retinas and causes brain damage. 9. Clan is not competent enough to check for / fix broken links. Samples From Website: 'This is the home page of NetStorms 'advance AUSTRALIAN army'. We are all australians so that we can have kick ass games without the dredded lag. We are the elite at fraging people. We dominate Quake3. Our presence will be felt' 'Best veiwed in 800x600 or higher with as many colours as possible!!'

Description:Here I was an innocent bystander. 'Watch this,' I had jokingly said to my 'friends' , 'I've seen some pretty shithouse sites in my time, I'm going to apply to run Clan Hell.' They had leered at me for some reason and then one of them kicked me in the nuts, and added 'you're in over your head.' I laughed loudly to myself, I was prepared for anything. Thus I applied for a position and entered a review for a site that I saw as a pimple on the ass that is the internet. I was met with a prompt reply from Lowtax that read, 'that's not an awful clan site, this is - http://clanaaa.webjump.com/ . The horror that ensued was devastating, simultaneously my heart and computer stopped functioning and I blacked out. When I awoke I noticed my dog had urinated on both me AND the computer... something was amiss. Thus begins my journey through the crapulence that is the 'official' site for the Advance Australia Army clan.

Being Australian myself I had initially endeavoured to not be too hard on the would-be JeffK of the future Daniel Ray.. or Bay, I couldn't read it properly, designer of this wonderful piece of web art. It is obvious he slaved over a hot computer many a late night to put this together... frankly his time would have been better spent creating an asian porn site entitled 'hot hot kinky lovestyle'. The site reeks of L337 photoshop skills from the darkly over bevelled army green lead graphics to the ingenious moving 'aaa' logo which has been ripped off from the Australian Defence force and sluggishly slotted into the outstanding original design. Fear not, this isn't the only incidence of animated gif loving, a series of shapes vaguely resembling something written on my 'magic' boxer shorts is being scrolled in the left frame of the site, hold up, they're just 'As'. I couldn't read any of the actual text that the page displayed due to the ingenious technique of layering a piss poor, in both colour and style, font onto a multicoloured dark background however I've cut and pasted at random hoping some quality material will come forth.

'This is the home page of NetStorms 'advance AUSTRALIAN army'. We are all australians so that we can have kick ass games without the dredded lag. We are the elite at fraging people. We dominate Quake3. Our presence will be felt'

My reply to this is, no you aren't and no you won't. My guess is you'll wind up hawking your 'skills' on the street corner of a Thai red light district with a cardboard stencil around your neck that reads 'no too big, I enjoy all!'. There were no posts in their discussion forums leaving this as the only noticeable writing on the site, apart from the -

'Best veiwed in 800x600 or higher with as many colours as possible!!'

Why do you continue to lie after I told you to stop. The site is actually best viewed after gouging yourself in the eye with the longest, bluntest stick you can find.

Link for you to join?: Yes

– Tim