Furries and their Escalade!
*beep beep boop boop beep boop beep*
*ring, ring*
"Hey boys, it's me, your agent. Listen fellas, I've been giving it a lot of thought and I think I've finally figured out what your act needs. Now, bear with me here, this is going to be a little bit crazy. A video. Yes, a video. We're going to shoot a video and put it on the internet."
The sheer ammount of pasty nerd flesh in this video brings all new meaning to "ghost riding the whip"."..."
"Yeah, yeah, okay you've got a point. Everybody's doing that. We need something with pizazz. Something with style. Something that'll really grab people by the eyeballs. Okay, okay, what about this: we make the video, right, but get this: we rent an SUV with some of those spinnies... those, uh... those spin wheels on... SPINNERS! Yes! Haha, I can't keep track of you kids and your crazy lingo these days. Anyway, we rent the SUV, and have you guys dance around it, and then I... what?"
"..."
"Okay, okay, you're right. Everybody's using spinners these days. Old hat. Boys, I think it's time we go for the big guns. Now, I know it's going to sound a little odd, okay? But just hear me out. I'm going to say one word, and I don't want you to say nothin'. Just let it soak in: Fursuits."
"If lost, please don't call anyone."
"..."
"..."
"..."
*beep beep boop boop beep boop beep*
*ring, ring*
"Guys, guys, I.. NO don't hang up again. Just hear me out. I know it sounds a little crazy. Don't you think I know that? Listen. Just do this for me, okay guys? Look, here's the plan. Put me on speaker phone; okay, here's the plan. Mark, we're gonna dress you up like a wolf and I'm gonna need you to just point at those spinnaz as much as you possible can. We're payin' good money for those things. Dave, we're getting you a fox suit, and what you're gonna do is look inside the passenger side door the entire time for no damn reason. Joey, you're the front man, so I'm sure you've guessed by now that you get to be the retarded purple dog thing. The rest of you are gonna be monkeys or squirrels or whatever the fuck costumes we can find."
"Fellas, stick with me. You're gonna be stars. Big, bright shining stars."
Critic's Corner™
"Rap and fursuits seem like the two weirdest things to put together, but somehow it works :)."
-Robinhood25"Why can't life be this fun ALL the time?"
-Natural20Media"That was rather strange, scary, and awesome all rolled up into one. "
-EdwardLapine
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Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
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About This Column
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!
