Poo Platoon (Thanks, GI VaJane!)

Military veterans deal with a difficult transition back to civilian life. Side-effects might include disturbing hallucinations involving fast-moving heads, or the shooting and subsequent oven-baking of your own Agent Orange-mutated baby. Gainful employment keeps vets from spending time alone with their harrowing memories, which helps explain why South Puget Sound's returning servicemen have become so enthralled with their new calling: picking up dog shit. Meet the "Poo Platoon." With the exception of "non-solid, loose nasty poo" and "really, really muddy areas," they'll deal with anything! Members of the armed forces are used to doing America's dirty work, so there's no better way to make them feel at home -- and to say "thank you on behalf of our country" -- than to hire them to scoop up your pet's crap.

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller