Happier Abroad (Thanks, Dr. Bagelman!)

Hey, men! Are you tired of American women not giving you the time of day because their minds are too messed up with feminism and junk? Consider uprooting your entire life, moving to a different country, and becoming... Happier Abroad!

Happier Abroad (warning: "contains truths and content that are taboo and politically incorrect and may offend those unaware or unattuned to truth") is your guide to scoring some tail outside U.S. borders. Founder Winston Wu modestly describes himself as "the most freethinking Asian since Bruce Lee, and arguably of all-time as well." After finding himself stuck in the quagmire known as the friend zone, he fared better overseas, where "Sex and getting laid with attractive women comes more naturally." Ever since, he's made it his mission to preach the virtues of "Global Scale dating" and "deprogram you" from American propaganda, like the hurtful claim that you shouldn't need a passport to find a date.

Wu assures you that unlike PUA or Mystery Method scams, "there's no book of secrets to buy from me, no secret tricks or techniques you have to learn and pay for." Well, except for the 10 or so ebooks he has for sale. Or his one-on-one consultation fees. Oh, and speaking of secrets, here are 12 BIG SECRETS the U.S. government doesn't want you to know. Number one: "People and cultures all over the world are NOT the same." Shocker! Also, in other countries, "friendships are deeper and truer, more like the kind you see in Disney movies and stories." This might seem like an immature reference point, but obviously you can blame America's shallow culture and shoddy educational system for that.

Meanwhile, it turns out foreign women are perfect in just about every way imaginable, and Wu is really, really eager to show you "irrefutable concrete proof" of this with multiple photo albums and slideshows of all his conquests, plus movie-length YouTubes. His video series "FEMALE ENCOUNTERS of the Foreign Kind" (complete with a Star Wars-style scrolling intro about the "Empire of feminist tyranny"!) compiles nearly 40 hours of footage of him flirting in Russia, which definitely isn't creepy or weird at all.

So, what's his beef with American women? Glad you asked! Check out Happier Abroad's "compelling" PowerPoint presentation, or this comparison chart, or these pamphlets (really, dudes?) to get the lowdown on these she-beasts:

• They are "cold, unapproachable, spoiled, mean-spirited... with a bad attitude."

• "Women are selfish entitlement queens."

• "Corrupted by feminism, women harbor deep hatred and contempt for men, viewing them as fools, creeps and predators. Flirtation with women is a taboo, considered creepy and violating. You can't get a date just by asking."

• American society is "fake and phoney" (yeah ok, Holden) and has a "gangsta-worshipping thug culture."

• "Women are the dominant gender. Men are expected to be subservient to women and let them win every argument, even if they are wrong. Women's rights supercede men's." Wait, what?

• "Attractive girls cannot hold a real intelligent conversation. They act like airheads and have few interests."

• They cut their hair short, "as lesbians and feminists commonly do, which no man likes."

That's the toned-down version. Check out Happier Abroad's "Anti-American Women Rants" forum, where you'll find topics like "American women are sociopathic monsters" and "Modern Black American Women Are Garbage. Here Is Why." Upon seeing the latter thread title, Wu was forced to intervene:

Huh, why won't American women go for "nice guys" like these? It is truly a mystery for the ages...

– Adam "rubber cat" Jameson (@robbercat)