/r/EbolaHoax

Listen up, sheeple: Stop buying into the media's hysteria over the alleged Ebola crisis... and start buying into one subreddit's hysteria over the Alien Christ's convoluted plan to kill billions!

At /r/EbolaHoax, moderator and sole contributor HamsterNamedFunny has been frantically aggregating links to every conspiracy article and YouTube video he can find. It's the internet equivalent of a room filled with interconnected webs of string: Every colorful, crazy-frayed strand he pins to the wall helps expose the "EboLIE" scare for the fraud it is. Nothing gets past this guy, except the concept of satire.

Each new bit of "evidence" HamsterNamedFunny discovers is just part of a larger puzzle, and it's up to him to fit all these incoherent, contradictory pieces together. Here's a summary of his findings thus far:

So there you have it. Ebola will make people demand a vaccine, those that take the shot at the end of the year or beginning of 2015 will become zombies when the vaccine is mixed with the pathogen to be released in 2016. The 500 million that survive will be given a choice: receive the 3rd strand (3rd eye) Mark of the Beast by the coming Alien Christ or die. The Elite will be like transhuman Gods. Satan promised Godhood and eternity for his followers so that's what they are working towards right now. I don't give a shit if you don't believe this. It's all going to be revealed soon enough.

Seems like it would be a lot more efficient to just make a real disease that kills people instead of doling out "vaccines" and pathogens in waves and dealing with hordes of zombies, but the Alien Christ works in mysterious ways.

Additional bombshells uncovered:

• The UN will use Ebola as a pretext for the eradication of paper currency. But does Satan favor Apple Pay or CurrentC???

• The so-called "vaccine" was "the motive behind the forced Obamacare plan all along." Guess you should've read the bill in its entirety!

• There's a small chance you can opt out of the vaccine... but if you can't, HamsterNamedFunny recommends having your doctor sign this insane, rambling contract that basically amounts to a murder confession. That should go over well.

• Numbers are involved. NUMBERS! It's all adding up... to more numbers!

• Ted Turner is behind it all, somehow.

"Shit's getting real," HamsterNamedFunny says, in what is possibly the first earnest use of that Bad Boys II GIF. What's Reddit without a few memes?

– Adam "rubber cat" Jameson (@robbercat)