DNA Perfection (Thanks, dablakh0l!)

Quick question: Have you seen Jurassic Park? No? Perfect! Let's talk about DNA!

Forget what you've heard, DNA isn't some chemical - that's a load of bullshit thought up by "scientists" to keep you in slavery. So what is DNA? Well, DNA is related to your chakra. In fact, it affects it directly. And, as you know, your chakra is tied into your karma, as well as your aura. If you're unfamiliar with this, I have some books I can show you later. All you need to know right now is how I can help you: I can fix your DNA.

See, your DNA is altered daily, for better or worse, by the way you act. Time was, way back when people were ignorant and superstitious, there was nothing you could do about it. You just had to try to be a good person, and if you weren't, your DNA wasn't any good, either. Thanks to REAL science, we can officially say "Fuck that!" We can fix your DNA now, and you can improve your harmonic frequency and ascend to some awesome next-dimension shit. Yeah, it'll cost a little extra, but think of the other dimension. Think about how great you'll feel with your DNA activated!

Tell you more? Well, it's gonna be done by Toby, this guy with the really expensive painting behind him. And he'll actually talk to you, one-on-one, too. How much? Man, don't ask that question. Seriously, just don't worry about it. With your DNA activated and your karma cleansed, you'll totally start making bank, almost like magic. But it's not magic, it's science. And, like, ancient science, so you know it's really good, because people have been doing it forever. You ready to make the commitment to yourself, bro? I know you are. So click that link, sign up. Again, stop asking how much. You've gotta sign up first, then we'll let you now how much. Just don't worry about it. DNA Activation, go for it!

Bonus Click: Still skeptical? I feel you, man. So was "Archana Padhye," who sought advice from Museum of Hoaxes. Then Toby himself arrived, and he not only set Archana straight but also offered refunds to some "dissatisfied" clients whose only real problem was that they were displaying "victim consciousness" and blocking themselves from receiving the help and wisdom he offered. Also, Toby warned that the Museum of Hoaxes site "vibrates at such a low frequency that it will bring anyone who visits here down." So, you know, watch out for that. -- GD

– Daryl "Fucking" Hall