Lucid Graphic Design

Lucid Graphic Design, submitted by Helmet. LUCID GRAPHIC DESIGN!!! LUCID GRAPHIC DESIGN!!! LUCID GRAPHIC DESIGN!!! IT IS LUCID! THERE ARE GRAPHICS! IT HAS BEEN DESIGNED BY PINHEAD HIMSELF!!! THANK YOU! LUCID GRAPHIC DESIGN!!!

PHOTO RETOUCHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!@@##! GET YOUR LOUSY PHOTOS RETOUCHED BY A PROFESSIONAL! A PROFESSIONAL SOMETHING OR OTHER! A VERY PROFESSIONAL PROFESSIONAL! MR. LUCID HIMSELF! NOT LUCIFER! LUCID! WE'RE TALKING LUCID! LUCIDFER!!!

LOOK!!! THEY MAKE GRAPHICS TOO!!! PROFESSIONAL QUALITY GRAPHIC DESIGN!!! ASSUMING YOU GET A STIFFY BY SEEING GREY SQUARES FLY AROUND IN RANDOM DIRECTIONS AND ENGAGE IN A GEOMETRIC ORGY!!! HOORAY!!! HOW VERY LUCID! MORE WHITE, MORE BLACK, MORE GRAY, I AM FEELING VERY LUCID AT THE MOMENT!

WEB DESIGN! WOW, SPICE UP YOUR WEBSITE WITH GREY BOXES AND FLYING SHIT!!! EVERYBODY WANTS THAT SPECIAL "TOUCH OF CLASS" THAT ONLY LUCID WEB DESIGNS HAS TO OFFER! OR MAYBE IT'S A TOUCH OF LEGIONNAIRES DISEASE!!! EITHER WAY IT'S JUST REALLY FABULOUS! I THINK!

Sorry for going off in an all caps rampage there ladies and gents, but this entire site just boggles my puny mind. Only on the Internet can some nutcrumb like this crackwank dub himself a "professional" and charge outrageous prices such as:

Photography............$50 per hour
Illustration...........$30 per hour
Logos..................$30 per hour
Graphics...............$30 per hour
Banner Ads.............$40 per hour

Wow! What a deal! Good thing his graphics only take an average person 18 seconds to create, thereby undoubtedly saving tons of cash. If the mastermind behind this wonderful grey hot tub of filthy horrors was smart enough to figure out how to create a link to his email address in one of his various digital Flash premature ejaculations, I just might drop him a line and ask him to design a site for me! And then I'd kill myself because I'm obviously fatally retarded! I love this site and I believe it's the feelgood sensation of the year, just like breakdancing and sticking your penis into a vacuum cleaner was back in 1983!

LUCID GRAPHIC DESIGN!!!

YOU WILL SUBMIT TO THEIR PROFESSIONAL QUALITY... well, whatever. Professional white and black boxes.

PS: If you have a picture of yourself or your hideously ugly family members and you want to get it retouched by professional insane people, be sure to check out the COMMERCIAL PHOTO LAB RETOUCHING SITE so you can pay him $4.00 to remove a single mole or freckle. You may also "Straignen Eyes," although I'm not exactly sure what that entails, but regardless it sounds painful for all involved... and it costs $13.00. I love this site!!!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)