Love's Labours Lost: A Campaign Against Jennifer Love Hewitt

Love's Labours Lost: A Campaign Against Jennifer Love Hewitt, submitted by Me. An ugly girl who’s pissed off about Jennifer Love Hewitt getting by in life based solely on her looks whines about on the Internet. This is just one of the many “anti-Love” sites out there, apparently.

I am organizing a boycott of Jennifer Love Hewitt. If you wish to participate, do not buy magazines with JLH on the cover. Do not go to see her movies, and do not rent or buy her movies. Don't buy products which she advertises, namely Neutrogena and Nokia. Speak with your wallets! Get this slut off the air! Thank you for your support.

It seems to me that posting stuff on the web is just a more mature way of screaming “I’M TELLING, MOMMY, MOMMY!” BOO HOO HOO LIFE ISN'T FAIR!

Sure, Jennifer Love Hewitt is such a bad singer that only the Japanese buy her CD’s and her acting skills are pretty questionable, but men like to look at her because her upper torso is swollen and her midsection is not. Thus, she makes millions of dollars.

While I can certainly understand why women are jealous of Jennifer Love Hewitt, her money, her men, her body, and her complimentary cell phones and body wash, complaining about it won’t do you any good. Look, I’m an ugly, creepy-looking heap of bones and skin, but you don’t see me trying to organize boycotts against George Clooney, Justin Timberlake, or Philip Seymour Hoffman just because they’ve got all the women and the money and all I have is “Pokemon - Volume 14: JigglyPuff Pop” on DVD. The reason you don’t see me doing all that is because you can’t see me at all, since I’m hiding behind a computer screen. And slouching.

I had something else to say that was probably insightful and witty, but I started looking at Jennifer Love Hewitt pictures and started feeling funny. Could this be puberty? Perhaps. Now it is time to watch some more “Pokemon,” oh that wacky Team Rocket!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)