The Magician’s Network Self-Defense System

The Magician’s Network Self-Defense System, submitted by Barak. Master Hans Eric Bristol, founder of the M.N.S.S. (and sole member) has cooked up an unstoppable form of "fighting" by combining years of martial arts training with years of watching specials about magicians on Fox Family Channel. He is intentionally vague about what is involved in this incredible new form of self defense, probably because he doesn't want to let us know how they do that shit where they pour the milk into the hat and then punch you in the throat.

An M.N.S.S. practitioner confronts an oncoming attacker. The attacker throws a right punch. The practitioner, while doing a flicking motion with his left hand, simultaneously blocks the punch. The attacker, so distracted by the flicking motion of the left hand, didn’t even know where the block came from. The practitioner, with his blocking arm, quickly does a waving motion towards the corner of the attacker’s left eye. The attacker then realizes another individual has snuck up behind him and has applied a rear choke hold from the back. Looking slightly to the side, the attacker realizes that it’s not another individual, but it is the same M.N.S.S. practitioner that he was confronting who had vanished in front of him and re-appeared directly in back of him. Before he can fully fathom what has happened, he is choked into submission.

I cannot express how deeply I hope this web site is a joke. A very detailed and elaborate joke, but a joke nonetheless. Maybe you guys can pry the truth out of Hans Eric Bristol on the M.N.S.S. forum, just make sure to refer to him properly or he might ban you.

7.All patrons of this forum should refer to Master Hans Eric Bristol by his celestially endowed title--"The Phoenix." If asking a question or making a comment regarding the M.N.S.S. fighting system Master Bristol should be referred by his first name "Hans" (the ying),then followed by "Bristol," and then ending in "The Phoenix" (Hans Bristol The Phoenix) If asking a question of making a comment about Greekbuduism or the Tattoo way of life, Reverend Bristol should always be referred by his middle name "Eric" (the yang), followed" Bristol, and ending in "The Phoenix" (Eric Bristol The Phoenix) Is this clear?

Try and discover the secret of M.N.S.S. if you dare! How can you doubt its power? David Copperfield will make your front teeth disappear.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)