The Light Party

The Light Party, submitted by Viking. When you get to thinking popular politics couldn't get any more ridiculous, I suggest you take a look at unpopular politics, particularly the "Light Party." For only 33 dollars, you can become a card carrying Light Party type person member thing. This entitles you to absolutely fucking nothing. But remember, it is for a great cause!

THE LIGHT PARTY a synthesis of the Republican, Democratic, Libertarian and Green Parties, is a proactive, wholistic, educational, empowerment party.... We have formulated a practical, synergistic 7-point program which serves to successfully resolve our current socio- economic and ecological challenges...

Uh oh, my synergy alarm just went off! Watch out, Jem and the rest of the Holograms! Let me see if I've got this straight: the Light Party is similar to all four of the largest political parties, it's "wholistic," and it will solve all of my problems with its seven-point program. That is assuming my problem is related to society, the economy or the environment.

Of the five million some odd pages of content the Light Party has put forward, the five or six I skim did not indicate that it is actually capable of doing anything but coming up with insane wonderland plans for some democratic utopia. To create this impossible utopia, you would of course have to do away with all of those annoying things that are currently thorns in the side of Democracy like the Constitution, the Bill of Rights and all branches of government. These are all replaced with a science fictional "American Council," who sits around a big table wearing silver robes, rubbing oils into their giant Derek Smart-like heads while deciding who lives and who dies.

What this country really needs is a good sheriff and a hangin' judge!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)