I AM SOON TO BECOME A REAL DBE A

I AM SOON TO BECOME A REAL DBE A, submitted by Brett. Ladies and gents, they don't get much more outright insane than this. I present to you a webpage written by a woman obsessed with having her hands cut off and replaced by metal hooks.

I'M A HIGH MYOPE, AND I WEAR GLASSES WITH THICK PLASTIC LENSES; I USED TO WEAR CONTACT LENSES ALMOST ALL OF THE TIME, BUT I'VE DECIDED TO GIVE THEM UP ALTOGETHER IN FAVOR OF MY GLASSES. I'M ALSO A BONAFIDE DBE (DOUBLE BELOW ELBOW) AMPUTEE WANNABE. YES, THAT MEANS THAT I REALLY DO WANT TO HAVE BOTH OF MY HANDS AND BOTH OF MY FOREARMS AMPUTATED ABOUT EIGHT INCHES BELOW MY ELBOWS! IT WAS ONLY RECENTLY THAT I HAVE FINALLY COME TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE EXTENT OF MY DESIRE TO BECOME A REAL DBE AMPUTEE. WHEN I WAS THREE YEARS OLD, I MET A YOUNG MAN WHO WAS COMPLETELY MISSING ALL FOUR OF HIS FINGERS ON HIS RIGHT HAND. EVER SINCE THAT TIME, I HAVE BEEN ABSOLUTELY FASCINATED BY AMPUTEES, ESPECIALLY WOMEN AMPUTEES WHO WERE MISSING THEIR HANDS OR THEIR ARMS AND WHO WORE HOOK PROSTHESES. EVER SINCE I CAN REMEMBER, I HAVE CONSTANTLY DREAMED AND FANTASIZED ABOUT BECOMING A REAL AMPUTEE MYSELF, ESPECIALLY A REAL DBE AMPUTEE WHO WEARS TWIN BODY-POWERED PROSTHESES WITH MATCHING DORRANCE #5X STAINLESS STEEL HOOKS. SINCE I HAVE PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT THAT MY OBSESSION ABOUT BECOMING A REAL DBE AMPUTEE WAS "UNNATURAL" (I. E.: WRONG, IMMORAL, INDECENT, ETC.) -- LIKE "COVETING THY NEIGHBOR'S HUSBAND OR THY NEIGHBOR'S GOODS" -- I ALWAYS USED TO HIDE MY FEELINGS FROM EVERYONE. I SAY "USED TO" BECAUSE NOW EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED DRAMATICALLY!

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)