Catpage

Catpage, submitted by Emi. I know this will be hard for some of you to understand, but I sincerely hate cats. They are lousy creatures when compared to dogs. I believe this because cats are just feisty furniture whereas dogs are really retarded, hairy creatures that sweat through their mouths. It also seems that "insane cat owners" outnumber "insane dog owners" by about ten million to one. Today's ALOD is definitely run by someone of the former category, as it deals with everything cat and lots of it.

CAT SAYINGS

1. "If life hands you a lemon, then tie it on a string and make a play-toy."

2. "There's more than one way to skin a dog."

3. "Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man a fish, and I'll personally move into his garage."

4. "When the going gets tough, the tough find a sunny spot by the window."

5. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I'll scratch your face off."

6. Better to have napped and been disturbed, then never to have napped at all."

7. "Never drag home any dead thing that are larger than your head."

8. "Today is the first day of the rest of your lives."

9. "As you travel along life's long & lonesome highway, don't forget to stop and eat the roses."

10. "To err is human."

Again, dog humor triumphs. A good dog joke would go something like, "pitbull mauls 4-year-olds face, has to be put down." It wouldn't involve lousy puns, dogonit!

The best part of this site is undoubtedly the page that lists the author's best friends. It is inspiring beyond all measure, and fills me with jealousy.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)