Kingdom Identity Ministries

Kingdom Identity Ministries, submitted by Scribble. Kingdom Identity Ministries is the kind of religious institution that really restores your faith in mankind. From their accepting views on beating children, to their forward-thinking belief in the Jews as the biological children of Satan, to their open-minded attitude toward the non-Anglo Saxon heathens of the world, they really preach the good ol' fire, brimstone, and hatred for your fellow man that made Christianity the intolerant, fear-based hatefest it is today. Yes, the Kingdom Identity Ministries teach us that the Jews use their demonic powers to control the media and the banks in order to influence good, average, Christian white folk into thinking that they (the Christians, that is) are evil. As for the blacks and other non-white races of the world, well, they're just plain inferior. They may not be Satan's infernal Hellspawn, like those crafty Jews, but they are not descendants of Adam and Eve, like the Germanic peoples of the world. Kingdom Identity is dedicated to keeping the white race pure, just as Jesus, a Jew wandering around the Middle East, would have wanted. They do this through radio broadcasts, books, pamphlets, and a wide variety of innovative products, such as this decal:

We prefer the culture and abilities historically demonstrated by Christian White men over that of all other races. However, if you value athletic ability or some other trait above these achievements, you may consider another race (or even a species of animal) to be superior. That is your right, but do not confuse your value judgment with somehow negating the biological and spiritual differences that exist between races.

It's sweet, isn't it? Really makes you want to repent and be a good Christian from here on out. Or if that doesn't do it for you, how about this?

Our Speak Softly Spanking Stick teaches children good old-fashioned discipline. Each 16" x 1 1/2" stick is imprinted with Scripture verses. $2.00

Only two bucks? Hell, sign me up!

If you're a pureblooded white, Christian female looking to damn well stay that way, and the possibility of having a career of your own seems strange and frightening to your delicate female sensibilities, then the Kingdom Identity Ministries has just the position for you!

WE NEED A QUALITY DEDICATED CHRISTIAN WHITE LADY to be part of this Christian Identity ministry. Varied responsibilities, preferably including secretarial skills. Desire a believer who is intelligent, reliable, competent, pleasant, neat, and careful in details. An important, interesting, fulfilling life on rural acreage located in the beautiful Ozark Mountains. Must be racially pure, honest and of high moral character. Genuine sweet, gentle, feminine mannerisms (not a pretense) is required. Government, Jewish, or other agents DO NOT qualify! Position should be regarded as a calling in Christian service, not just another job. Room, board, and spending money will be provided.

Ooh! Spending money! I could buy hats with that! Oh, if only I wasn't a Jewish agent! Fie, fie on this devil's blood that runs in my hideous Jewish veins!

– Ben "Greasnin" Platt