Kohaku Hoshi's Official

Kohaku Hoshi's Official, submitted by ReporterGirl. Short summary: big fat girl has a big fat dog and big fat delusions. Long summary: some big fat girl named Amber Boettcher from the very non-Japanese state of Minnesota believes she is multiple anime characters, none of which are 1/100th as fat or psychotic as she, which must be a welcome escape from the cruel confines of reality and reality's harsh system of gravity. You see, Amber really really really wishes she was Japanese, perhaps because Satanic tentacle demon monsters are the only creatures which would willingly have sex with her, or perhaps because nobody in America likes her. She has written over a billion pages of anime fan fiction, draws anime fan art, and tries to write stupid crap in Japanese.

"Amber B, Real Name No Gimmicks..."
Two half fire youkai go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside.
Two half fire youkai go round the outside, round the outside, round the outside.
"Ooooohhhhh!"
Guess who's back, back again, Kohaku's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back,
guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back...
I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants to
See Amber no more they want Kohaku, I'm chopped liver
Well if you want Kohaku, then this is what I'll give ya

Congratulations, you're fat and weird and ugly! Welcome to America! I hate to break it to you, but you're not a cartoon, you're not Japanese, and you don't live in some fantastic fantasy world full of excitement and adventure and romance. You are fat and white and live in Minneapolis. Please keep this in mind before starting the next epic 500-page chapter of "Demons Have Feelings Too."

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)