Rickie Lee

Rickie Lee, submitted by Santa Clause. RICKIE LEE IS A LESBIAN. SHE PREFERS THE COMPANY OF WOMEN. SEXUALLY. WHEN ASKED TO GIVE A DISSERTATION ON THE FINER POINTS OF THE COCK, SHE RESPECTFULLY DECLINED, SAYING, "NO THANKS, I'M A LESBIAN." Get it? Do you think you've mastered the concept that she is really, truly, and in all honesty a lesbian? Are you with me so far? Yes? Good, then there's no reason for you to visit this site. As far as I and my crack team of websitologists can tell, Rickie Lee spent God knows how long making a large, multi-faceted site to get the point across that she's a lesbian and - gasp! - she doesn't care if you have a problem with that. Well, okay. That's nice, I suppose, but I don't know if it's really worthy of an entire website, let alone one as large as this. Now if she was a lesbian and you could write to her and tell her that you have a problem with that, and then she'd turn on her webcam and let us all watch as she weeps uncontrollably for fifteen minutes, that would be worth something. But no, you can have all the problems you want with her sexuality - in fact, she'll be offended if you don't - and she will actively not care. Terrific.

Now, I don't like to use the term "shove something down one's throat" unless it's absolutely necessary, but Rickie Lee crams her lesbian nature so far down the throats of her visitors that I just farted a rainbow. She informs you of her lesbianism on three separate pages before you even gain access to the site's actual content, which is mostly about how she's a lesbian. When you first load the site, there's an initial screen to herald the momentous news that you're entering a lesbian website. Then there are the multiple warnings on the next page:

Welcome to my cyber domain. I want to warn you that this is a Lesbian Owned site. If you have a problem with that, I suggest you get on outta here now. I make no appoligies for your lack of enjoyment during your visit if you happen to be homophobic.

I refuse to appologize for anything contained on my site. I may say a few things in my Opinions pages that some of you don't agree with but ya know, opinions are like 'poop-shoots' -- everybody's got-em. So let that just be a little warning that I'm not out here 'trying to make friends', I merely want to give others who may have the same interests some enjoyment while they're here.

If you are so inclined to search out the button that grants you entry to the actual website, you'll be greeted with a window that tells you all about "PROUD LESBIAN WEBSITES" and what to do if you, too, have a "PROUD LESBIAN WEBSITE." Click that away, and you'll finally get to the main page, with its multi-colored links to other parts of the site. You can read up about Rickie Lee's chihuahuas, her life partner Billie Dee, their motorcycles, and of course, plenty of info about Rickie Lee herself (spoiler: she's a lesbian). Oh, and then there's the much-touted Opinions page. There, you can find all of Rickie Lee's thought on the most important issues of today, including politics, religion, and rude people! I said you could find her opinions, note how I didn't say you could actually read them. Rickie Lee's eagerness to throw every lesbian-related GIF in the world onto her site makes several of the pages a wee bit difficult to read. The text often overlaps with the massive tiled borders. And naturally, every page is equipped with it's own midi. Altogether, there are all the godawful, slow-loading midis than you can shake a stick at, just as long as that stick isn't a penis!

Look, I think I've I've proven that I'm a pretty tolerant guy, sexually speaking. I certainly bear Rickie Lee no ill will on account of her sexual preference. But I do have problems with people defining their entire existence by one characteristic, because it just forces everyone else to see nothing but that characteristic. Believe me, Rickie, when people go to your site, they don't see Rickie Lee the biking enthusiast. They see Rickie Lee the raving dyke, and that act loses its novelty pretty damn quick. And thus, so does everything on your damn site.

Oh, by the by, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the guestbook.

– Ben "Greasnin" Platt