Skittlescam

Skittlescam, submitted by me. While searching for "Skittles" by using that newfangled "Google" search engine technology, I noticed that this webpage came up as the second result. In an ideal world, this webpage would never come up as any result ever. Hell, in an ideal world, this site would be illegal. It's a weblog, complete with webcams and wishlists, for a cat. Yes, a cat. Ever wonder what a cat would write about if he had a webpage? Well keep wondering, because this site is simply an insane married couple's interpretation of what their idiot cat Skittles is thinking or doing or whatever. Prepare yourself for pain, folks.

Did she take that stroll in the grass? Did she sneak some milk? Claw mommy? Or did she just sleep her little self pretty?

I killed a lizard today. I hadn't even noticed it until mommy pointed it out to me. Of course my cousins were visiting today and I had an audience. I came through though. I grossed nannie out too. My cousin AJ kept saying "Get it Goggy. Get it!" He calls me Goggy for some reason. I think he thought I was a dog when he was a baby. I don't know how he could think that. He knows I'm a cat, he knows I'm a girl, and he knows my name is Skittles. Maybe it's just a nickname. I hope it is. Otherwise I may have to meow at him until he gets it. That dog is still barking at me. I am amazed it can see me. I thought I was blending in so well. Maybe I should hide behind the blinds or something. I think it irritates mommy and daddy since they area always saying that the dog needs to go bury a bone or something. Well, I'm feeling tired. I heard something about ice cream, so I may and try to get some from someone before I go to sleep. Night Diary.

Two questions here: one, "why would anybody read this?" Two, "why would anybody write this?" I own two cats and can sum up all of their thoughts throughout each and every day in the following sentence:

Sleep, eat.
Shit, repeat.

Okay, technically those are two sentences, but counting is for jerks, so I'm going to disregard it. Somehow Skittles the Cat is clearly superior to my non-Skittles cats, as she contains many philosophical questions and insights to the world we live in. I tried buying it a bra and some panties through its wishlist, so here's hoping for some hot XXX cat action guys. Oh yeah, I also made this image, although I don't quite remember exactly why at this point:

I'm a staunch supporter of "the word 'fag' is funny" crew, and by God, I'm going to get as much use out of the word "fag" as possible, whether I'm insulting fags or degrading fag cats. And let me assure you Skittles is the faggiest cat with a wishlist I've ever seen.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)