God Hates America

God Hates America, submitted by Marc. Racism Week may have drawn to a close, but I just couldn't ignore the single biggest racist of them all. No, not Frolixo, I'm talking about God. If the internet is right, and it always has been before, God himself has got a major thing against the single most likeable, infallible, impossible to hate people in the world - the Americans! It seems Mr. "I'm so great because I created the universe" doesn't like the way we take things into our own hands instead of getting down on our knees and praying every time something goes wrong. He also isn't too keen on the whole nice guy reputation we've been giving him. He's an angry and spiteful God, and he won't have anyone saying otherwise! At least, that's what I'm led to believe. This website does make a pretty convincing case. For instance, the Challenger exploded, so obviously God hates America! We're at war with Iraq, so obviously God hates America! It's all so simple!

The simple fact of the matter is, Bush is being sent a strong delusion, so that he can spiral America further down his path of perversion, drawing ever closer to her destruction. The area that is today Iraq was once known as Babylon. Anyone with half a brain and an ability to read the Bible knows that Babylon is the spiritual enemy of God's people, and the center of all that is evil, the Type used in the Bible to represent the final judgment of God against all that have rejected Him. Why would Bush, if not to position himself this way, want anything to do with running Babylon? Only the purely evil would partake on such a folly, and that gives us further proof of God's hatred for this evil nation.

Personally, I'd think that if Iraq is a modern incarnation of Babylon and God is still pissed at that whole region, he'd give us a big, holy thumbs up for obliterating it. I guess that part of the world is just off limits until the end of time unless you want to be instantly damned. That's not going to do much for the Iraqi tourism industry, that's for sure.

On September 11, 2001, God Almighty struck the United States of America with the worst terrorist attack in her history. Thousands died, millions, even billions of dollars lost and spent in subsequent recovery, cleanup, and security measures, and what has changed? Nothing. One week after America is struck by God's Hand, the Pervert in Chief George W. Bush swears in an out of the closet, militant homosexual, Michael Guest to be Ambassador to Romania! The representative face of America to Europe is an out of the closet fag! Guest, along with his fag lover, live as husband and wife in the American Embassy in Bucharest, flaunting their perversion at every opportunity, representing America as a fag nation!!

Okay, I get that God hates gay people, but this is still a little unclear to me. Does God hate us for having a gay ambassador or is a gay ambassador his punishment to the U.S. for being so darn crappy? And how exactly do Michael Guest and his lover flaunt their perversion and represent America as a "fag nation?" I'm picturing our ambassador running around the streets of Romania in a hot pink half shirt and bike shorts singing Judy Garland songs and kissing every man in sight while his significant other writes "AMERICA IS A FAGGY, FAGGY NATION" on walls in lavender spraypaint. Man, I hope Romania doesn't get the wrong idea about us? It's bad enough having God Almighty, King of Creation pissed at us and gaying up all our statesmen. We don't need Romania running around making homophobic comments behind our backs, too. To learn more about the threat that God poses to our nation and it's interest, check out this site and its oddly ironic American flag background.

– Ben "Greasnin" Platt