Classroom Cartoons

Classroom Cartoons, submitted by Stacey. First off, let me explain what "Classroom Cartoons" is by telling you what it isn't: it is not good. It is not funny. It is not amusing. In fact, it's pretty much the polar opposite of any word which can be associated with the phrase "something which is good or at least does not try to forcefully consume your brain like an alien parasite." This supposed comic strip details the wacky misadventures of some bulbous, fetus-headed, turtle mutant child who has the IQ and personality of paint thinner. He engages in wacky hijinks with other characters who have failed to escape being drawn by "Danie Cronjé," a fictional German person invented by Lucifer himself.

I have been a teacher since 1979 and my cartoons are based on true incidents during my career. I started drawing cartoons at a very young age and when I was 12 years old, my first cartoon was accepted by a family magazine, Die Huisgenoot. I went on to draw cartoons for our town's local newspaper. When I left school I went to university where I was kept busy drawing cartoons for various university publications (while studying for my degree of course!) My "SIR" cartoons were featured at first in Die Volksblad, a South African newspaper, for 4 years since 1987. When my original cartoons got lost(?) for the 3rd time in a row at the newspaper's offices, I stopped drawing cartoons for a while. In 2000, however, I turned to the internet to share the humour in my classroom with the outside world.

Hey, congratulations on being able to recover after your collection of colored filth was destroyed by the Right Hand of God in the 1990's! It's really great to see somebody able to rebound from disaster and soon find themselves able to spread disaster amongst other members of the human race! If you ever run out of reasons to boycott the educational system on the front page, don't worry, as Mr. Cronjé has an additional set of SIR Toons available to those who want to experience the feelgood sensation of dying alone and afraid. Let me be the first to say, "thank you very much, Internet, for allowing people such as Danie Cronjé to share their hilarious German war crimes with the rest of us!

PS: Danie Cronjé has a guestbook he asks people to sign, but I don't really know why. Maybe you're supposed to write "dear Danie Cronjé, please do not take your own life, you will eventually find something you enjoy doing that does not make everybody else who sees it want to murder your family." Perhaps one day we will learn to love and respect the art of Danie Cronjé, but until then, I pray for the day the cyborgs take over and enslave us all.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)