CRIMENY.com

CRIMENY.com, submitted by Alexis. I must admit I have a terribly fond place in my heart for budding web designers who don't have an ounce of talent, skill, or artistic ability, yet possess a set of balls so big that they'll willingly try to charge you hundreds or thousands of dollars to design a blindingly wretched website which could be used as a navigational beacon for landing planes. I believe this place is located near my thorax. Crimeny.com, which I can't help but read as "crime" and "ny.com," is some kind of mind blowing, butt ugly DYNAMIC AND HIGHLY PROACTIVE eCommerceIdotNet.com company which is more than willing to take a large amount of your money and, in exchange, vomit code onto a series of documents with .htm extensions and hand them to you. Just think, for around one thousand dollars, you'll get an RGB nightmare which will not only cause your customers to personally loathe you, but it will make you look like a raging moron as well! The best of all worlds!

Maximize your creative, innovative and imaginative side. You can do it on the World Wide Web without the frustration of learning how to write a program. Think of the stress you'll save there. You won't ever need to "curse" your way through html, java script, or anything else. It's like our friend Kristy says "Why should I learn this, when you can do it for me!" Everything you need to maximize your presence in the business world is available from .

You have "cursed" your way through the cyberworld and know you deserve a piece of it. With Web Design, Web Hosting, Consulting, and Free Merchant Accounts available through we'll do the "cursing" for you and get you set up with the business and income you have always wanted, and deserved.

"Curse" through our site and see what incredible opportunities await you!

Item # NB-104 - Own Your Own Web Site with Mall Link (and we do the work): $849.00

Wow, that sure is a fuckload of floating fat people orbiting the globe with possibly stolen merchandise! If you're wondering why their company's name, "CRIMENY.COM" is not listed in any of the quotes listed above, it's because the brilliant web designers over there at CRIMENY INC. shrewdly elected to make every instance of their name a gif image. Not only did they make it a gif image, but they made it a gif image which looks like the product of a diseased Crayola that really loves to alias. Every horrible artistic abomination they attempted to create without the help of performing a Google image search for "free clipart" can be heard screaming in pain even as you close the browser window. If the graphics and layout aren't revolting enough, and trust me, they are, CRIMENY.COM also has some deal about promoting their HIGHLY DYNAMIC AND HIGHLY PROACTIVE AND HIGHLY MADE UP word "cursing," which means (according to them):

"The act of using ones mouse to point and click through a web page, the internet, etc. i.e. Curse your way through our site. 2.The act of using language that would make a sailor blush while participating in definition 1. i.e. @$!!**@!! this %$!@*! web page. 3.What I do while writing these pages!"

Ha ha! That's a hilarious little web design joke for web designers designing web design pages! These guys are such cards! Hopefully one of them is the death card, because honestly, this train wreck of a web commerce site makes me want to take my own life by violently jabbing one of their pointy gifs into my own eye sockets. I mean, for Christ's sake, they even have 404 links on parts of the site. If that just isn't the crowning touch of excellence on a web design site, I don't know what is.

PS: I don't know what is.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)