The EMF Safety Superstore

The EMF Safety Superstore, submitted by jim. I can hardly call this link awful, because it fulfills a valid social need. Society needs protection form the various electromagnetic fields bent on destroying its health and well being. And really, is there a better way to keep your genitals and other bodily monuments safe than by wearing special clothing designed by paranoid crazy people? I’m not sure, mostly because I’m not very smart, but I think this would also improve your odds of winning a battle with evil super villain Magneto. Don’t quote me on that, though.

Very sheer, comfortable undergarments you can wear over your regular underwear to shield yourself from powerline and computer electric fields, and microwave, radar, and TV radiation. This silver-plated, stretchable, washable nylon mesh is electrically conductive. It reflects radiation. Plus you won't get those static shocks as you used to in dry weather and your clothes won't cling to you! Fabric provides up to 35dB of shielding at 100 MHz. Made in USA. Surround what you want to protect!

That’s pretty impressive, since my generic Wal-Mart underwear doesn’t protect me from low bass heavy frequencies, particularly in the range of 60mhz. Every time I hear somebody drive by blasting rap music through an overpowered subwoofer, my pelvis ends up cracking and then I have to wear a special cast for several months. That might not have anything to do with electromagnetic fields, because as I mentioned, I’m not very smart. You can also buy a hat from these people and that’s wonderful because hats certainly are fantastic! Especially when your hat comes with a craaaazy graph like this:

With a hat that powerful, I feel as if though I could watch thirteen TVs, three computer monitors, and a microwave oven cooking a dozen light bulbs all at once and with absolute impunity! Unfortunately, they don't have a tinfoil hat available yet, so you are still vulnerable to alien mind control rays and the supernatural stares of Gary Busey. Now imagine if I was wearing that hat, and these hot tube socks!

These unique tube socks use a patented continuous filament conductive fiber (silver coated nylon, 12% silver by wt; no chemical finishes) to create unmatched stretch comfort and excellent conductivity. This advanced technology provides a whopping 633 ohm per 50 cm uniform resistivity (per AATCC#84-1987) in a washable and durable lightweight fabric. Excellent E-field shielding for your feet, good RF shielding too. Can be used to dissipate static from the body (or body voltage) onto an Earthed or conductive surface. Dairy farmers have successfully used these socks, connected to each other up the pant leg by a simple ground cord, to shunt uncomfortable and potentially dangerous ground current (stray voltage) away from their bodies. Gray. Available in 2 sizes. Made in USA.

Wow, I never thought there would come a day when I would be outsmarted by a pair of socks. I guess my numerous critics were right when they declared me to be “dumber than electromagnetic shielded tube socks and/or other assorted electromagnetic shielding garments of various styles, colors, and sizes.”

For the record, they sell a wide range of products outside of garments, including special equipent for monitoring the electromagnetic output of your microwave oven, hair dryers, doorbells, and this totally awesome shirt:

This image is clearly in no way altered. That hunky guy (NOT GAY) has no trouble wearing such a manly shirt.

Protect yourself and let the rest of the world know you don't like the band EMF! Electromagnetic fields are everywhere, and they won't stop until you and your family are dead! Or, at the very least, until you have a major headache.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)