Time Travel

Time Travel, submitted by Sav. Mankind has dreamed of traveling through time ever since it was discovered by Albert Einstein in 1937. An incalculable amount of time has passed since then, but the dream remains. Today, it becomes a reality. How, you ask? I don't know, I'm no scientist. Neither is Steven Gibbs, but he's still willing to send you one of his incredible time machines for just $360. If it's that cheap, you'd be a fool not to buy one! Tell us a little bit about how it works, Steve!

THIS IS A TWO DIAL, ONE BANK TREATMENT INSTRUMENT, WHICH PLUGS INTO A NORMAL 110V OUTLET. THIS DEVICE GENERATES AN AC/DC, 60-CYCLE, ALTERNATING FREQUENCY WHICH GENERATES AN UNLIMITED AMOUNT OF WHITE LIGHT ENERGY. THIS DEVICE COMES EQUIPPED WITH A WITNESS WELL, PHENOLIC RUBBING PLATE, MULTI- DIMENSIONAL STABILIZER, CLEAR SWITCH, POWER SWITCH, TIME COILS, AND ONE ELECTROMAGNET.

THE NICE THING ABOUT THIS UNIT IS, WHEN GIVING A TREATMENT, YOU MAY BROADCAST THE FREQUENCY BY MEANS OF A WITNESS, OR YOU MAY HOOK-UP THE ELECTROMAGNET DIRECTLY TO THE PERSON.

AMONG OTHER THINGS, THIS UNIT CAN ALSO BE USED FOR OUT OF THE BODY TIME TRAVEL. AS FAR AS THE PHYSICAL ASPECTS ARE CONCERNED, YES YOU CAN USE THE HYPER-DIMENSIONAL RESONATOR FOR PHYSICAL TIME TRAVEL, BUT ONLY WHEN ACTIVATED OVER A NATURAL GRID POINT, OR IN A PLACE WHERE UFO'S ARE SIGHTED.

It's that easy! Just pop on over to that UFO landing site, and get ready for a wild adventure of epic proportions. You might want to be careful about where you go, though. If you go too far to the past, you'll probably screw up the whole evolutionary ladder, you yutz, you. And if you're planning on stopping by the future, well, I'll let Steven tell you in his own words.

When they sent some scientists from the Montauk Project into Earth's future they hit a barrier in the year 2012. When they tried to go past the barrier from 2012 to 2013 they couldn't go through the barrier, they could only go around it. But after they went around it they found that all life on this planet had been wiped out...everything. Cities were all in ruins and there was no life found anywhere...at least they couldn't find any. They concluded that everything had been wiped-out.

That's sort of a downer. At least we can still see the futuristic wonders of 2012. Ten years... I bet we'll all be driving flying cars and have saucy robot maids. I know I will. If you want to get your hands on a time machine or time machine accessory, look no further than this beautiful site. A word of warning, though. You may not want to look directly into the title graphic. It is a haunting spectre of the past, and I know how you feel about those.

– Ben "Greasnin" Platt