Gothic Baby Pictures

Gothic Baby Pictures, submitted by R. I was really hoping from the name of this site that it would be creepy sepia-toned photos from the 19th century that just happened to be of babies. Unfortunately for us and the children pictured here it is in fact a mixture of the tragic and comedic present. Tragic because the parents have subjected their children to names like "Elizium" and "Dark" and then weren't content with posting pictures of themselves in domino fag paint and sad frowns on the Internet. Oh no, they had to put their kids in velvet druid robes and lash ankhs around their necks for photo ops to show off their trophy "wild child of the darkness". A "vampyre of the abyss" who they are no doubt disappointed in, I might add, because the kid likes Blue's Clues more than Edward Gorey illustrations. I say that the site is comedic because of the pictures of goths in their youth looking like normal and well-adjusted children in Superman costumes and Donkey Kong t-shirts and then posturing in a faux mournful photo with twenty years of imagined or self-created woes on their shoulders.

There are so many things wrong with that picture I can't count them. I hope that little girl grows up and becomes a successful investment banker living in suburbia and driving a SUV.

Now here's what's funny about the site:

Ironically that guy's parents probably WERE successful investment bankers who showered him with affection and did everything they could to see him become a doctor or lawyer in life. Do you see the pattern forming goths?! Your kids are going to grow up and hate you and rebel by becoming well-adjusted members of society.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)