NooAlf

NooAlf, submitted by Lissy. As evidenced by the vast amount of spelling errors in the article above, the English language is a complex beast which can be tough to get a grip on. But now, thanks to "Noo Alf," all that is about to change!

Imagine if you had the amazing ability to spell any word, even if you'd never heard or seen it before. You'd soon be doing the talk show circuit & getting rich endorsing educational products. That would be pretty cool wouldn't it ?

Now imagine you have been able to do it since you were 3 ! You would have wizzed thru grammar and high school in half the time and probably earned a scholarship at some prestigious university. How different would your life be now ? Just lean back in your chair, kick your feet up on the desk, close your eyes and daydream about it for a while.

Ooh, sounds interesting! Let's delve deeper, shall we?

WAKEY WAKEY ! Dream time is over !It's not possible to do that with traditional English . The spelling is unpredictable. It is not a system, it's just a collection. You can take guesses at the spelling that may be readable by people who know English, but it will be pure luck if it happens to match the 'official' spelling. Unfortunately, the little daydream is also impossible with Nooalf . You WILL be able to spell any word you hear, but you WONT be getting on the Jay Leno show because of it. With Nooalf everybody will have this ability ! Nooalf is a real system that accurately and clearly represents the sounds of English in a way that is so simple, even toddlers can learn it in less than 6 months. And in spite of being 100% phonetic, its so similar to traditional spelling that everyone who can read is already able to read it.

Basically, this is an entire system devoted to making people talk like retarded teenaged girls on AOL. I was suspicious, nay...I was CERTAIN this was a joke, but then I did a little more research on the subject. In these two letters, the inventor of "Noo Alf" basically rants on insanely about how great his system is and how those who don't accept it make no sense. This is an atrocity of a website, and I hope to god that I'm wrong and this truly is a joke.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)