The Hawaiichair is a lapdance/hula hoop simulator, that uses patented "We Strapped a Loud Boat Motor to the Bottom of an Office Chair" technology to help you think you're losing weight, fast. Unlike every other scam exercise machine that advertises you don't actually have to work out, this one had the audacity of saying you can just use the device anywhere. Using a Hawaiichair in front of your family isn't embarassing enough - they ask for you to use it at work, at meetings, and Nascar venues.
"THANK YOU LADIES FOR COMING TO THIS MEETING. PLEASE DON'T MIND ME, THE CHAIR OR THE SCREAMING - TRYING TO GET THAT SVELTE ANCIENT HULA DANCER LOOK. ALSO, I'M GONNA SPIROGRAPH ALL OVER THE CLIENT CONTRACTS WITH THIS PEN."
The human testimonials on the infomercial are done by fat people and victims of car crash . The fat people aren't any less fat, but they do claim it stops all chronic pain. They also claim Hawaiichair will cure diabetes, couch potatoes, and being old.
For the full Hawaiichair experience, be sure to pick up the Hawaiichannel, read the Hawaiibook, and have your family laugh at your lack of shame.
–
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.
Previous Articles
- Goreanwhispers.com - (thanks Space Poodle!)
- witchvox.com (Thanks Cat Scratch Achiever!)
- The Ames Fan Club - (thanks P78M!)
- Spare Rods - (thanks Cat Scratch Achiever!)
- Bakedfurs.org - (thanks Coin!)
