Magickware.com

   Anyone that believes in magic, witches or true love is incredibly dumb. If I were to make a store on the web that catered exclusively to these retards, I'd at least be smart enough to jack up the prices. Magickware, however, seems to be sort of a Walmart for pagans, wiccans, pyromancers, eternally single overweight moms & their poor innocent children. Sure, they sell a ton of dumb "mystical" bullshit, like Spells (which are actually Temporary Tattoos), Dove's Blood, bags of dead plants that aren't drugs, corn, friendship bracelets and ski masks.




   Maybe I'm just jealous at the fact that I never figured out how to shoot fire out of my hands, or roll natural 20s like any decent gamer. But for as much as the total enchanted crap they hock at Magickware, it is pretty cheap. Candles that protect you from skeletons, Slitherin and ex-husbands are only five bucks! Bags of colorful rocks you can eat for superpowers will only set you back ten bucks and shipping! What if you don't know how to eat shiny pebbles that will teach how to fly? Well, Magickware sells books not only for adults, but kids too!


Gemstones from around the world contain the energy of the Earth
   
   Are you there, Margaret? It's me, The Menstrual Goddess. Your mother is totally crazy, and she thought that if she gave you a rock that looks like me, you could bleed on it and you'd magically figure out how to use tampons, panty liners, without actually telling you about the most awkward part of your life. Besides having a pagan mom, of course.

"Comes with Menstrual Goddess card:

Deep emotional wisdom and knowledge of the life force cycles with our menses. Fill your Goddess with a drop of menstrual blood and seal with candle wax. Keep her in a place of honor and acknowledge this valuable gift given you each moon.

   As disgusting as this is, it's only $26.95. At that price, how can you afford not to own one?!?

– Caylen "Abraham" Burroughs