Definitive Proof That Coldplay Stole "Viva la Vida"
Yes, it was stolen. I have discovered the true source of Coldplay's "inspiration". And I have the proof
A Thoroughly Incomplete List of Firsts
The first first was, of course, the Big Bang. Before the Big Bang created time, the universe, such as it wasn't, was pre-consecutive. Eventually the universe will come to an end, along with time, and it will be post-consecutive. For now, time exists. More or less.
Womyn are Mysterious Creatures of Awesome Bearing
Womyn are not myth. Womyn are real. In the grocery store, in the post office, in your parent's house sitting next to your dad, womyn are everywhere. There are those experts who estimate that over half the population of our small blue Earth is now womyn. But the outlook is not entirely dire! Here is a brief guide on living in a post-womyn world.
An Unofficial Victory Video: "Barack Obama: The Triumph of the Hope"
Some of you might remember our unofficial campaign video, "Barack Obama: A Tribute to Hope". Now, eight months later, all of our dreams have come to fruition. Indeed, our dreams have born fruit. We are holding dream fruit, and that dream fruit is Barack Obama's impending presidency. The triumph of the hope, a new video.
The True Story Revealed: Ashley Todd
Most of you have probably heard of the case of Ashley Todd, who shocked the dumb portion of the world with her story of a black man carving the letter B in her cheek. But what really happened that night? How did she end up with the letter very very lightly scratched on her face? Answers within…
How to Improve Your Worldwide Conspiracy: Chapter 2
Somewhere across the country, a junior agent was being thrown into a whirlwind adventure of epic proportions that was just getting started and promised many exciting future installments. Here, much to his surprise, the Acting Manager of Thought Acquisition for Worldwide Conspiracy Inc. acquired a thought.
Hey look. It's Dragon Mountain. Let's climb it.
Hey look, it's Dragon Mountain. Dragon Mountain is a center for all mystical energy in this entire region. All of the life force as far as the eye can see emanates from that mountain. Let's climb it.
How to Improve Your Worldwide Conspiracy: Chapter 1
He had been a lifelong conspiracy man. He had kept his nose down, assassinated world leaders and innocent civilians alike when ordered to, manipulated at least one US President into office, and now found himself stuck in a dead-end middle management job in an aging conspiracy that was rapidly losing ground to newer conspiratorial competitors.
The Large Hadron Collider and You!
The consensus in the scientific community is that these collisions will shed new light as to how awesome explosions can be even when they are really small. Another good reason scientists give for colliding protons is that it will help us develop our understanding of what happens in nature when a giant machine smashes two protons together.
The Bargain Book Bin: A Random Chapter from a Book You Haven't Read
At that moment, they were in the Mountains of the Six Gods, a popular spot for hikers, skiers, and evil lords seeking remote strongholds. Past the mountains were the Foothills of the Six Gods, which were less impressive, but good for picnics, mountain biking, and less-evil lords wanting a stronghold at a convenient commuting distance from home.
Notes From A ZOG Youth Rally
We were being taken to something called a Mega Event, which would be a huge Zionist rally on an IDF base near Tel Aviv, attended by the Prime Minister of Israel and thousands of young American Jews. It promised to be the most entertaining and flashy propaganda I had ever been forced to watch.
How Hillary Will Win the Nomination
We've noticed lately that a lot of people are discounting the possibility of Hillary winning the Democratic nomination. This kind of attitude is un-American. It's just wrong to act like someone has been elected months before the party big-wigs have had their say in secret meetings involving the exchange of personal favors.
I Have the Skills and Experience Necessary to Be a Heavy Metal God
I am writing in regards to the advertised position in your black metal band. I would very much like a chance to be part of this venture, and I feel that I have the rock god skills necessary to efficiently build and maintain a high profile Satan-worshipping black metal band.
A Special Two-Part Event: "The Secret Agent Who Is Old and Does Stuff" Part 2
The action-packed conclusion to this classic spy thriller in which an old guy chases a giant flying robotic boot on the White House lawn, and another old guy gets yelled at by a Russian midget. Don’t miss it!
A Special Two-Part Event: "The Secret Agent Who Is Past His Prime" Part 1
An ex-secret agent and an ex-mad genius, desperate for the return of their glory years, team up for one really badly thought out plan. It does not go well.
Three States that Just Shouldn't Be Allowed to Vote
The fracas over states being left out of the Democratic primary has highlighted the absurd assumption that allowing every state to have their say in national politics is a good thing. The truth is that not every state should be allowed to vote. Some are too dumb to vote. Some are too evil to vote. Some are Florida.
Misha: A Memoir about Hanging Out with Wolves During the Holocaust
The Wolf Queen spoke first: "Young Misha, you were found in a time of need. Our oracle said to send a pack of wolves to the Warsaw ghetto, and there we rescued you. You have lived with us and learned. But the oracle has again spoken, and it seems that you are to play a much larger role in our world than any of us could have anticipated."
An Unofficial Campaign Video: "Barack Obama: A Tribute to Hope"
The Yes We Can video made me realize that anyone, even me, could make my own tribute to Obama, and hopefully have an effect on the election. I got my friends together and created a concept that gave his message in an accessible way. We spent a few days scripting, filming, and editing, and created “Barack Obama: A Tribute to Hope”
Some Basic Facts About My Cool New Asian Friend
Hey there guys. Basically I'm just a normal home-schooled Christian kid and every once in awhile they let me write a little about my life and what I think about things. Also I will be making some jokes because this is a funny site for jokes. Today I want to talk about my cool new Asian friend. I met him at the mall and he owns a Playstation 2.
America in Crisis: The Writers Strike Continues
America is a wasteland as Fat Cat Hollywood writers refuse to write for the eleventh consecutive week. The population grew desperate and then violent. A tumbleweed blew across the street. An old man rode by in an engineless Toyota Corolla pulled by a mule. "These are bad times," he said.
Election Thoughts Valu-Pack
The primaries are about to kick off, and things are already getting entertaining on the political front. Instead of sticking to one topic today, I will go off about a lot of different stuff that’s happened lately. I’ve written a whole lot of words about the elections, and I’m passing the savings on to you.
