SA Celebrity Stalker: Extreme Edition
Our tireless celeb-hounds are always on the lookout for the hottest celebs in the most mundane situations! Who was mistaken for Bill Paxton outside Spago? Who learned never to shake a baby? Find out inside!
An Evening with the Asshole Hypnotist
Every tiny pain and itch in your body, even ones that you ordinarily would not notice, is amplified tenfold. Take a moment to catalogue all the minor itches in your body. Even if you feel that you have none, imaginary itches will begin to appear. Scratching them will not be satisfying.
The Time Tooth Tooth Reclaimed his Eagle (Part 4)
Tooth was driving that Highline with Bill Cosby painted on the hood, you remember that shit? He explained that shit to me: “I require a fine luxury automobile, god, but I need to deflect the accusations of flamboyance and ostentation that a righteous black man must face when living with high material means, so I painted Bill Cosby on that shit.”
Children's Letters to Frankenstein
Dr. Victor Frankenstein, aging and desperately lonesome, answers letters from children.
District Bulletin: Wanted Offender (Part 6)
Dorroile is the worst man. He is antic and grotesque, beloved to the moon; incorrigible. His gruesome, slapping dance is imitated by children despite the loom of the switch, for he represents to them the mythic freedom of snakes and bears. All else who offend in this district offend in his shadow.
The Time Tooth Tooth Lost His Eagle (Part 3)
When you own it all, you look around and see all the shit you own, you look down past them gold ropes on your neck and see a mischievous fine Chinese bitch trying to undo your Gucci pants, and you start to think ‘what is left for me to acquire in this city,’ and it’s a feeling that might breed wickedness in a righteous man.
YOUGAY
Drawing upon years of exhaustive research, renowned musicologist David Thorpe presents a selection of music videos that advance an important thesis: YOUGAY. We hope that this scholarly update both edifies and titillates.
The McCain Ascendency by Robert Ludlum
Bestselling author Robert Ludlum tells the thrilling tale of John McCain, a former special-forces operative betrayed by his government.
Ramblin’ Dad: Dispatch from the Lonesome American Southwest
Every man in this family has been run out of town. Your great granddaddy, Euwell, he was run out of town in a much higher style, watching the federales burn his stills, plumes of smoke thirty foot high. Looking back on his livelihood up in smoke, now the federales are burning down his whorehouse, too, whores still inside screaming his name.
The 2008 Adult Domain Buyer's Guide
This weekend, a company called Moniker Marketplace auctioned off a huge, torrential load of valuable adult domain names. Some went for tens or even hundreds of thousands. Many more remain unsold, so you still might be able to snag a top-quality adult domain for an affordable price.
Bitter Were the Fluids of J.F. Swanton (Part 14)
If I arced my urine into the jaws of my friend, the Tennessee combat badger, would he accept it as nourishment? And furthermore, would he, out of respect for our shared situation, oblige me in passing it through his hindquarters and into my waiting mouth?
Asimov's 30 Laws of Robotics
Isaac Asimov lists the 30 laws of robotics, including <i>"A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm."</i> and <i>"A robot must stop visiting Isaac Asimov's bedroom at night and fabricating situations that would make it appear that Asimov has less than total control of his urinary faculties."</i>
I Squoze the Tiny Hand of Kate
I tried not too look but I gleaned that she definitely had one big hand like a regular man and one little hand, which was knotted like the paw of a monkey. I liked her little hand but I didn't want to look too much, but I liked it.
TDTDT: The Unabridged Base System
Many of us know what it means to “get to second base,” but what mysteries lie beyond the diamond? This week, The Dave Thorpe Dating Theory delves deep into the “base system” and explains what lies beyond home plate.
Your Bandicoot Sucks II
The animal kingdom sometimes gets a free pass from critics because it's "authentic" and "natural." But are we really going to let God sit up there and insult our intelligence with his shoddy artistry? I say NO!
No Big Deal.
Heeyyy! New here? Yeah, nice to see some ladies around here. You know, in the workplace. Women in the workplace. The ladies. Heh. Kind of seems like a boys club around here sometimes, right? Finally get some use out of that women's bathroom, right? I mean... you know. We all use the bathroom. I mean, we don't all use the women's bathroom. You do.
I Was a Girl at Comic Con
Intrepid reporter David Thorpe goes undercover at New York Comic Con as that most feared of supervillains: A GIRL.
The Time Tooth Tooth Met the Pope (Part 2)
Did I tell you about that time Tooth Tooth met the pope? Son, that shit is crazy. Actual goddamn pope, son. You gotta take my word on this one, god, because you ain’t gonna find that shit in any history book, you heard? This was two minds coming together, but will you ever hear about this shit from any devil’s history book? Naw, man.
The Lesser Wisdom of Benjamin Franklin
Minor quotations and unfamiliar wisdom from one of America's great wits.
District Bulletin: Moth Month Dispatch (Part 5)
It is moth month. Grey things are in the air; they fly at us and get in our tongues. We stir up ashes when we walk. The moths are coming back soon to eat at our clothes and land on our faces in the night. You will be shut in your house for weeks, and this bulletin must hold you over until you reemerge. Consider this news.
The Internet Discount Barn: Winter SALE!
Since 1994, the Internet Discount Barn has been your source for the hottest deals on the web! We don't know where they get their merchandise and we sure as hell don't hope to find out, but we do know this much: they deliver rock-bottom bargains at breakneck prices!
DoctorsWeb.biz.tv
Please select your symptoms. Our medical experts work through the clock to provide the best medicine tips and keep the site up to date with the late-breaking disease information not found anywhere else on line. We guarantee the cheapest medicine anywhere on the web or in the world. We promise that you may never know the true cost!!!
Big Uncle Jack: Part 1
Young Jesse writes to his brother to recount the strange events back home. Big Uncle Jack has been bitten by a snake, and something seems to be changing within him...
District Bulletin: Recall Election (Part 4)
Dorroile, the worst man in the District, has been elected to its highest office. The District Superiors have called a special election to attempt to revoke his status, but Dorroile doesn't seem too worried...
